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Texans Massing at Border

(Raton Pass) Three divisions of battle-hardened Loan Star storm troops in armored personnel ATVs backed by artillery, lawn chairs and the ruthless French poodle cavalry have been spotted moving through northeast New Mexico toward the porously defended Colorado frontier this morning.

Surveillance flights, often interrupted by smoke from lingering forest fires, confirm that the huge force has now been joined by primitive colonial infantry units from Oklahoma. 

Loaded down with bags of gold, often exchanged for exotic trinkets in the higher elevations, the force has been little match for Colorado Air National Guard squadrons. Employing sophisticated methods of psychological warfare, these brave men and women continually peppered the ground with a blitz of sugar beet sweetened iced tea and pictures of Tom Landry.

“We almost hit a couple of ’em,” said one pilot sucking on a fifth of John Powers. “Our biggest logistical nightmare is trying to avoid the recon asphalt crews, busy patching Highway 87 somewhere down there.”

In a simultaneous exercise, volunteers from Las Animas and Costilla Counties have extended operation Frito-Lay, a highly successful poached earth operation, way up into Moffat County which effectively scorches the Sangre de Cristos, leaving crunchy landscapes in its wake.

We will not allow our holy ground to fall into the hands of those Dr. Pepper swillers! Once we burn all the farms and ranches, we can start building interstates and shopping malls,” said one culturally-absorbed torch warrior. This is one good ol’ Glorieta Pass!”

– Oral Waters