All Entries Tagged With: "10 Commandments of the French Quarter"
10 Commandments in the Vieux Carre
Hey der boo. Sure I lived near the Crescent City up river in Saint Charles Parish but I worked in the Quarter. Bartenders see everything—all that’s pretty and some what ain’tand miraculously I gained 23 pounds in six months in the process…living to eat rather than eating to live?
We had plenty of morality there, at least in the daytime, without posting it on the wall.
Today vote sucking charlatans like Governor Jeff Landry have created a controversy where one did not exist. Most Americans see these ancient Judea tablets as a clear and moral way to live. They hold their value. Jesus Christ had nothing to do with the issuance of the Ten Commandments, unless one wants to equate the two so as to convince the frightened and easily manipulated to put money in the collection basket or votes in a ballot box.
Most people who flap their lips about religion harbor something to hide. Yeah Boudreaux.
First, there are two books. The Old Testament and the New Testament. They are in severe conflict as to the right way to live. The Old Testament is not Christian. Jesus turned these 10 laws sideways substituting love for eye for an eye and the wrath of an angry god. His johnny-come-lately apostles concocted the newer hearsay version based on recollections aimed at controlling the human savages prevalent at the time: Don’t eat pork. You have no way of keeping it from rotting. It will kill you. You don’t even know how to keep ice.
Simultaneously, but please not too early in the morning, the Vieux Carre or French Quarter, wakes up to beignets and coffee with just enough chicory to give a legitimate wallop of confederate caffeine and sugar (read: suga). A cold Dixie won’t hurt you in the morning before a spicy treat of shrimp and boudin gumbo or crawfish etouffee heralds in a humid afternoon.
Quarter has its own rules, social order and etiquette…a moral code if you will that is as strict and all-encompassing as words on a tablet presented to Moses and maybe even Thor or Zeus. Just ax Abraham.
1. I am your choice of many gods and good conscience, who delivered you from Canal Street and the Irish Channel. Thou shall pass a good time while you are here.
2. Thou shalt not bend down and worship idols such as the Saints and the Tigers. Punishment for the sins of the parents will be handed down to third and fourth draft picks will be those who defy these laws. Generations will suffer the anger of a jealous god with forfeiture of recruits and donations from the well-heeled Tulane alumni over across Lake Pontchartrain.
3. Thou shalt not use vulgar language at Brennan’s, Antoines, Deanie’s, Molly’s on the Market, Pat O’Brien’s or the Napoleon House. Save your curses for Bienville and Basin Street and dark, unmarked alley bars on Frenchman Street (to the discretion of the bartender).
4. Remember where to get free drinks and food for happy hour. The seventh day is the official day of rest and must be kept moist. What you do with the other days is your own business: Makin’ groceries or Fais do-do. The earth was created in seven nights at 80-proof. Slidell wasn’t built in a day. Metairie took at least week.
5. Honor your Big Chief neighbor and his kick-boxing brother so that you may live long in the land of the Wild Tchoupitoulas. The Cities of the Dead have no vacancy. Burials below sea level make shark bait in the Gulf.
6. Thou shalt not swill (or spill). Eat mo’ betta! Try a vegan Po’ Boy.
7. Thou shalt act like an adult in coonass encounters unless you have a better idea or a big bucket of oysters to share.
8. Thou shall not deal. Remember that you are still in Louisiana and cannabis is illegal. Thou shalt not keel over, congeal (in the weather) or peel in public. (Mardis Gras excluded). Go cups are a nickel and always keep your money in your front pocket.
9. Thou shalt not give false testimony on such sacrosanct subjects as Marie Laveau, second-line, safe pirogue steering, Admiral Farragut, yard kids, chank-chank, Yankees in the wood pile or recipes for crawfish bisque.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wrought-iron balcony, male or female servant, his ox or donkey or his seat at the bar.
“A bayou is just a swamp with a college education.” (with apologies to Mark Twain)
