Ouray Siren Recovered

Sounding off in middle of night

The Historic Ouray town siren, which for years only sounded at noon, is once again in the hands of responsible parties according to authorities here. Over the past few weeks residents have been exposed to extended siren use in the middle of the night for everything from cats in trees to barbecue blazes and it’s not even summer yet.

“First we thought the television police had gotten hold of the thing,” said Melvin Toole of the Ouray Dice Park Coalition. “That would be irritating enough, but then we realized our worst fears when it became apparent that snow anarchists from Silverton had made off with the sounding device.”

Apparently the anarchist element from San Juan County, dubbed White Noise, had set the siren up near Mount Abram intent on barraging its neighbor town with siren shrills all day and night until Ouray surrendered to higher up demands regarding Ruby Wall and dynamite futures.

Authorities told The Horseshoe that at first it appeared that the alarm device had caught a virus from siren-happy contingents in Gunnison.

“It was the same old Boy Who Cried Wolf routine, or so we thought,” said one city spokesperson. “Then, when we met up with fringe elements of the anarchist group at in the cookie aisle at Duckett’s we figured something was fishy.”

“That’s all we need with the tourist cruise ships coming in,” barked Toole.

– Estelle Marmotbreath

“The mind is its own place and in itself make a Heaven of Hell and a Hell of Heaven.” – Lucifer in Milton’s “Paradise Lost”  – Blabbermouth Milton was less than concise in his ten books with over ten thousand lines of verse. He could have covered the subject in two paragraphs.