Now you can vote at Wal-Mart

(Montrose) Registered voters wishing to do their duty this election can simply cast their stones at the local Wal-Mart rather than wasting precious shopping time at the polls. Along with voting, citizens are reminded that they can open credit accounts, get married, have children, pay taxes and be buried here too.

     It sets a convenient precedence according to sources within this mass marketing framework and “can only lead to more mindless consumption and greater profits for everyone.

     “We want to help the average Joe stay very damn average,” smiled one part-time greeter who does not qualify for company benefits.

     The Wal Mart voting booth will be open for a week prior to election day so that citizens are not forced to change their schedules and focus on just one day. Information as to how to vote and who to vote for will be provided at the entrance. Persons who have not as yet registered can do so with their Wal Mart credit card.

     “People can easily forget that it’s Tuesday…election day. We’re doing our part for this great democracy!” whines an in-store announcement. “And after you vote don’t forget to check out the seasonal items on aisle three.”

     Meanwhile down in sunny Arizona corporate militias have succeeded in apprehending some of the last ma and pa operatives in the Phoenix area. At press time there are only a few of the “unaffiliated” holdouts remaining. On the site of what was a great kosher deli is now a chain burger place. It’s the same all over the place. The city without a city has been transformed into “the hell of suburban corridor commercial prostitution, according to a High Pima hieroglyphics dating back to the Goldwater era.. The Phoenix has crash landed indwell not fly right again.

     Although the status of the former self-employed radicals was not completely clear a police spokesman said they “are being de-programmed and retrained for positions as cashiers at a chain gas station. Persons who do not adapt to the masterplan are taken to what’s left of the desert and left to fend for themselves. Some of the unlucky ones will end up pushing lead within the government.

     “We’re not at liberty to talk about the situation in Arizona,” said a Wal-Mart voice. “We have a strong economy here too and it will continue to boom just as long as everyone cooperates,” said the stooge.

– Mambo Sambo

“Mr. Trump is a felon who flouts the law and the Constitution, an inveterate liar beholden to no higher cause than his self-interest and a reckless policymaker indifferent to the well-being of the American people. His term in office did lasting damage to the people and the project of America and to its reputation around the world. In a second term he would operate with fewer restraints and more willing enablers, and he and his emboldened advisers have made clear they intend to exercise power ruthlessly.”

– Editorial Board New York Times