Mashed potato competition changes venue

No Irish in 2012

(Pea Green) The 135th Annual Snuffy Smith Memorial Smashed Potatoes Struggle will take place at Pea Green Hall on September 30. For decades held at

Friendship Hall in Montrose, the event has moved due to what organizers call disturbances and conflicts with the police, who were called a record 14 times to break up fights in 2011.

“People around here take spuds very seriously, especially when served mashed with gravy,” smiled a spokesman for the San Juan Horseshoe, sponsor of the contest. Oddly enough the two groups often associated with the vegetable, the Peruvians and the Irish, have been banned from the competition after last year.”

According to police reports these two groups precipitated the violence which marred the potato cook-off over the years. Apparently ethnic tension hit the fan when an outsider from Redvale was awarded the prestigious Jaded Spud trophy in 2010 and bad feelings surfaced again the following year.

“We’re sick of near-do-wells from Cahone and the Disappointment Valley making a mockery of our competition,” said one barred irishman.

Judged for texture, taste and multiple use in simple construction and insulation capacities the mashed potatoes are now subject to a suit by Idaho saying in part that copyright infringements will not be tolerated. Pea Green, long a bastion of hayseed anarchy in an otherwise whitewashed world, does not recognize sanctions on interstate commerce or escalloped litigation, often associated in these cases.

“It’s a Nuclear Free Sweet Potato Zone. None of those starched potato haters can touch us  here,” explained the source. “We can bake, boil, fry and dice till the cows come home. This year’s competition will feature folk singing, a small parade and a presentation of  potato skin jewelry crafted by local nudists. The juried event has contracted with a gang of local thugs to monitor the finals and avoid the pitfalls of the past.”

Participants should be on the spot and set up by 7 am and must create from scratch. No parboiling will be tolerated.All recipes must consist of only real potatoes. Judges decisions are irrefutable. All cooking must be performed on premises during the prescribed hours.No mail-in mashed concoctions will be accepted.

– Suzie Compost