Horseshoe Open 24 Hours Over Holidays

Ouray) The San Juan Horseshoe will extend its normal hours for the December holidays. In a departure from closing when the sun goes down, the paper will keep its doors opened “all day and all night” so as to accommodate last minute shoppers, thirsty travelers and persons looking to get a last minute bet down before football shifts into fourth gear.

“We had to look long and hard at the possibility of staying open,” said publisher Kashmir Horseshoe from his cat-bird seat high above Box Canyon Falls. “The light bill is bad enough just operating during regular business hours. We need the butter and egg money just to get us to 2018,” he explained.

A hastily constructed reception desk will be manned by illegal aliens and other state risk suspects recently picked up by a Homeland Security sweep through the local Wal-mart parking lot.

“They’re a shifty bunch,” quipped Horseshoe, “but its next to impossible to get good help this time of the year.”

The Horseshoe offices affected are located adjacent to the Camp Bird turn-off south of town, and across from the Wimpton Mental Health Clinic in the Edith Bunker National Forest. A full Irish breakfast will be served.

– Phillip E. Bustier