Fake Coals Mines Popping Up in Unlikely Spots

A throng of fake coalmines have now appeared on the landscape leading environmentalists to conclude that it’s another latent smoke and mirrors move by the current Administration. The mines have cropped up in spots never before believed to have coal under them.

One of the largest of the excavations is in the middle of Iowa, a state that voted heavily for Trump in 2016. Other extraction stations/mines have been hastily thrown up in Nebraska and Kansas. Often the facilities consist of phony shafts and false front above ground buildings. Hydraulic jacks litter the grounds, accentuated by draglines, shearers, piles of coal and tunnels to nowhere.

Smaller mines are reportedly under construction in such non-traditional locales as Mississippi, Texas and Wisconsin – states won by Trump – where playing to a pro-coal base/ideology appears to be getting some positive attention.

No new “cardboard buildings, forged production figures, counterfeit tunnels or bags of coal dust hauled from other locations, are present in coal belt states such as Kentucky, West Virginia or Colorado, leading critics to accuse the White House of grandstanding with no plan to follow through on flimsy promises to fossil fuel enthusiasts.

“Trump is playing games here with a tell-them-what-they-want-to-hear message peppered with untruths that have become synonymous with his reign,” coughed a retired miner.

The short-sighted mining interests have even introduced a little union busting and parasitic company store ledgers to lend authenticity to the moves,” said one former EPA official. “Many of us in opposition are like those “bear of Madam Bovary banging on pots and pans trying to get the attention of the stars.”

It was not known if a plan to build a wall across the southwestern border of the country would feature fake concrete thus falling in line with this coal scam. Many see the wall as an extension of ego on the part of the White House and conclude that the plan is already out of control. Already many Texas ranchers are at odds with what they call Humpty Trumpy’s Wall.

A source in the GOP House told the Horseshoe that false front banks, schools, bridges, churches, courts and assembly halls are projected for completion 2019.

“It’s our way of saving the infrastructure so important to every tax payer and their grandchildren who will be paying for all of our fiscal voodoo,” said General Worthington Bulbous, the last man who actually comes to work at the Pentagon.

“Although these do nothing to generate electricity they are preferred over windmills and solar power,” he said off the record. “Much of our constituency remains convinced that these methods are sinful and will lead to a crash. Now where do you suppose they got those ideas?”

– Fred Zeppelin

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