ELECTIONS NEAR MERCIFUL END

The 2012 elections are about to come to a grateful termination and we wold like to bid them a crisp, halting farewell. The competition for power is relentless even though nobody has a clue how to fix anything. The silly debates and phony smiles continue to placate an ever-growing population of partisan voters, polarized by special interests and one issue politics.

The corporate media called the debates “heated” and “bruising”. These apocalyptic pushers of the daily special are not right or left but rather keepers of Wall Street’s status quo. How can a pissing contest between two detached millionaires have any real bearing on the problems that face the middle class? If these politicians really took off the gloves there would be blood. If Obama and Romney were valid protectors of the Constitution there might even be sincerity. It has all been a piteous sideshow performed by the light of the flames of a circus tent is on fire.

We have suggested that voters bring a red crayon to the polls and simply write NO on the ballot. Sleepwalking behind the little curtain the blind and unaware watch politicians all painted up for the night on the corner. How much will they charge to sleep with the Chinese? Will they spill mascara on the opinion polls?

News flash: Off-shore fat cat Mitt Romney’s plan to gain 40 pounds before the election seems to be winning over the obese electorate. He had to do it, say supporters to balance the ticket (Paul Ryan is so  skinny). A majority of the weight gain will take place in the Red States where fat already rules.

Meanwhile Obama hopes to stay in the White House with the support of everyone but white men. He talks. He walks. He plays hoops. Nothing changes. He is a reconditioned salesman for the same old sour product. The Republicans vehemently want him out but (despite their embrace of the Christian bloc) are elitist, narrow-minded and morally bankrupt. Will Romney and Ryan claim to have African heritage in the eleventh hour?

While both of these men have nice families, confident smiles  and dress the part of leaders they are not even close to solving anything. What the country needs is a President with whiskers!

And then: moments after the election returns are counted the electorate will be subjected to tedious and repetitious analysis. Fodder for fools.

Peering through the smoke it may indeed make more sense to argue about gay marriage and the war on drugs. Legalized marijuana is on the Colorado ballot. What will they say about that in Egypt or Alabama? What good are state’s rights if the feds send in their goons and pull up all of our pretty plants?

In closing we apologize for the delay in presenting our much anticipated Exclusive Interview with former President  George W. Bush. We thought we had him cornered in Dallas but he went over the wall of his gated community and is now reportedly hold up outside the feed lots over in Ft Worth.

– Fred Zeppelin