CORPORATE SPONSORS WARY OF BOMB ENDORSEMENTS

(Tel Aviv) International corporations, some hoping to profit from the ongoing war in what was once Gaza, seem hesitant to directly endorse its weaponry. Attempts by NATO hard-liners to gain sponsorship of individual bombs has fallen on deaf ears according to sources here.

     Saying the bombs have about the same morality as methods of business conducted by most mega-corporations, one NATO spokesman had hoped to persuade both industrialists and retail interests to kick in their fair share.

     “We figure that each bomb dropped on Palestine costs about $20,000,” said Vladimir Pinche, a Hungarian accountant attached to NATO. “If we could get corporations like Shell Oil, Apple and Pizza Hut to buy space on the missiles we could save a bundle of cash. Up till now the response has been almost indiscernible.”

     Pinche said that he had presented a simple marketing plan that would include a simple logo and a short message.

     “Talk about a captive audience,” he smiled. “If corporate thinkers want to strike while the iron is hot there’s no better time than the present. We guarantee they’ll get the attention of the target market.”

     According to Pinche the money saved by the endorsements could go toward rebuilding Lebanese sites after the conflict or possibly to pay for expeditionary forces on the ground.

     “One leading corporation, the United States government, often marks bombs with its logo. the Stars and Stripes, so that adversaries don’t confuse its payloads with those of the Russians or Chinese,” explained Pinche. “One would think these mass merchandisers would jump at the chance to continue the barrage of relentless propaganda common to most Western societies, but they have not. Imagine a Nike logo on a cruise missile ‘Just do it!’ or Wal-Mart’s happy face on an F-16.”

     Pinche went on to say that he had Apache helicopters and even stealth fighters at his disposal as well.

     In a related piece the United States and NATO have apologized for the accidental bombing of a Beirut McDonalds on Friday. Although there were no injuries, fiscal damages were set in the thousands.

     “Even Ronald (McDonald) is pissed,” said one NATO release, “and the last thing we need is for that bastard clown to join up with Hamas.”

     One critic of the war, Senator Oral Noise (Unitarian-CA) has suggested that rather than advertising on weapons of destruction the international corporations simply send aid to the Palestinian refugees now in Israeli camps.

     “What are we gonna tell our stockholders?” asked one CEO, “that we gave away their dividends. We’re not comfortable embracing that much waste. We’d rather leave that up to the government.”

– Fred Zeppelin