CONFEDERATE ARMY LANDS ON PLATEAU

(Montrose) Remnants of the First Mississippi Cavalry under the command of Nathan Bedford Forrest have successfully completed the first phase of the complete and temporary conquest of Colorado, according to lingering camp followers here.

The contingent, lead by Col. Donald Sultan (probably not the only man in the history of the Commonwealth of Mississippi ever accused of operating a horse under the influence of alcohol), includes such military standouts as Capt. Donnie Sultan, Lt. Bill Able and Gunnery Sgt. Charles Marter. All are graduates of Less Point, that prestigious military institute at Calhoun City on the shores of the Yalobusha River.

Originally the trek was organized so as to provide meat for some 4000 Confederate soldiers who are still holding out at Vicksburg despite overwhelming odds. However, upon arrival this brave assault force has gone on the offensive even though an estimated 20,000 green Federal troops are accidentally bivouacked at Oak Grove.

– Alfalfa Romero