CLASS OF ‘14 VOTED MOST LIKELY TO SECEDE
M. Toole | Feb 15, 2014 | Comments 0
(Redvale) The Norwood High School class of 2014 has voted itself Most Likely to Secede, according to a copyright story in the Norwood Post. The class, numbering between 15 and larger than a bread box, will graduate sometime in June.
This development is rather distressing,” said Evelyn Broomgarden, assistant to the principal’s assisting assistant at NHS. “We had hoped for a smooth transfer of classes this year. I for one think the whole matter is the result of a few mavericks and that most of the kids don’t want to secede from anything.”
State authorities, quick to confirm an official position: that local schools were not top heavy with administrators, were in town Friday in an attempt to determine just what the students want to secede from and why.
“If it’s just the county that they want to withdraw from then we’ll let the county take the appropriate action,” explained Robbin Rubens, special investigator attached to the governor’s office of Secondary Seclusion, Secrecy and Scenery.
“If its the United States the kids want to get away from, then we’ll call in the feds. If it’s the state, then I am here to tell you that it will never work. Where ya gonna go? Utah?”
It has become common knowledge that a vague yet sophisticated network of adolescent subversion has existed within the hallowed halls of Norwood High School since the mid-Sixties when students first demanded that a new country be established with Norwood, protected by moats on three sides and the Nucla Fussiliers as the natural capital. Rubens thinks this recent display of what he calls “high treason” is no more than a flexing of the muscles.
“What do they want to do, establish a monarchy with the prom king and queen on the throne?” quipped Rubens. “It didn’t work in this country for George VI and it won’t work for these punks either. The next thing you know they’ll be burning books on the lawn.”
School may be canceled for the next few weeks so that state officials can conduct a thorough investigation without a lot of students snooping around. – Small Mouth Bess
Filed Under: Reflections on Disorder
