Chinese Pondered Hostage Advantages

(Bejing) President Xi Jinping of China considered leaning on the traditional and often methodical hostage taking of the antiquity during the recent  Bejing Summit, but decided his American guests would be of more useful to China if allowed to continue in their positions in the United States government.

According to unreliable sources in Shanghai high party officials discussed the matter but came to the same conclusion. Called a “no brainer” by the military the decision to leave the pieces in place was seen as the path of least resistance.

“All this pageantry and flamboyance is simply a facade,” said noted economist Moon Yat-sen. “This is about money.”

Besides Trump, Xi could have nailed and jailed top tier MAGA boosters Marco Rubio, Elon Musk,  Scott Bessent, Stephen Miller, and Pete Hegseth as well as Eric and Lara Trump, all of whom are quite wealthy and could have easily paid reasonable ransom requests to their Chinese hosts for  catch and release issues often associated with diplomacy of this type. Insiders here strongly suggest that if the administration leaders were seized as pawns in the greater picture, the president would simply throw them to the wolves and get more toadies to do his bidding.

Back in January the current administration attempted to trade former Head of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem for Chinese dissident journalist Jimmy Lai, calling his incarceration a “provocation and vexation of his freedom of speech”. This sneak preview allegedly went down in January while ICE simultaneously attacked and arrested people in Minneapolis for exercising their freedom of speech on the streets of Minneapolis.

-Fred Zeppelin