All Entries in the "Hard News" Category
Cómo conocer otras verduras
(Denver) Oye, ¿hay tomate al vapor por la llegada de otro invierno mientras te sientes solo en la vid? Siéntate en el soleado jardín de las delicias terrenales como un frijol en una misión y quién sabe qué es el nabo.
En primer lugar, uno debe aplastar efectivamente todas las nociones en cuanto a los chirivías que pueden ocurrir en el mundo único. Todas las verduras son diferentes y el buscador debe emplear una variedad de tácticas en cada caso. Ejemplo: si está intentando llamar la atención de una papa temprana, no se presente media hora tarde. Si te atrae una dulce cebolla de las Bermudas, no vayas a Montreal.
Si bien las relaciones entre vegetales como el colinabo y el repollo chino son raras, no son imposibles siempre y cuando ambas partes tengan en cuenta las diferencias de religión y origen étnico. La acelga suiza puede estar feliz con la berenjena, pero solo si comprenden las necesidades y prioridades de cada uno.
Nadie quiere ser visto como una ocurrencia tardía. Incluso la okra, el perejil y los pimientos necesitan sentirse como el especial del día también. No importa que el maíz, los tomates y las batatas se vean como suplementos de la tarifa principal. NADIE QUIERE JUGAR EL SEGUNDO FIDDLE EN UNA CAMA DE ARROZ. Es mucho más efectivo comenzar la relación de forma equitativa y seleccionar y elegir los personajes accesorios a medida que avanza. Una calabaza no actuará en el rollo de soporte. Lechuga de cabeza quiere estar a cargo. Las sandías tienen muchas semillas.
Quizás el elemento más importante necesario para un vínculo fuerte es la apariencia y el comportamiento personal. A nadie le gusta un pepino sucio o lentejas con una higiene inadecuada. La col rizada que se ha vuelto blanda nunca será cosechada. Esto va para los guisantes, la okra, los rábanos y las cebollas también. En todas las relaciones de amor hay ruibarbo que no se pueden evitar, pero serán menos frecuentes si uno sigue una constitución que fertiliza tanto como las aguas.
Por último, y posiblemente lo más importante: no pasar el tiempo en las endivias si quieres cumplir con los cultivos de calidad. Es mejor ir a los lugares más agradables. Algunos lugares excelentes para conocer otras verduras incluyen mercados al aire libre, organizaciones perennes, seminarios de enlatado, invernaderos y algunas granjas de camiones. Los lugares que se deben evitar incluyen el pasillo de alimentos congelados en la tienda de comestibles, puestos transitorios en las carreteras y, como ya hemos dicho, las endivias ahumadas de todo tipo.
Esperamos sinceramente que este breve consejo le ayude a mantenerse abrigado este invierno. Tienes que cavar un poco de tierra, amigo mío, si quieres que el jardín crezca.
Scientists Isolate Antidote for Molybdenum
(Gothic)) Research associates at the Rocky Mountain Biological Laboratory here have successfully unleashed a new formula that removes neutral ions and most base elements common to the substance called molybdenum. The breakthrough, called revolutionary in even the most conservative circles, isolates the moly then strips it away from mountain veins in a classic precipitation by suspended vapor.
Celebrated as the homogeneous answer to the mining vs. environment issue here, the formula is expected to be stitched together using a prehistoric DNA spur solution and synthetic genomes left lying around last summer then applied undiluted where the existence of moly is most chronic. When there’s no more molybdenum, there’s no more need to extract the stuff from the ground.
“We’ll probably spray the mixture in its liquid state all over Red Lady by air,” said one activist, “then pipe clean water and air into the exposed cavities so to muck out holdover minerals. The key is to complete the distribution of the antidote without awakening the natural gas fields, coal deposits, gold and silver ore and zinc strains that have always run through these mountains. The process is simple enough and reasonably safe although we are replacing the atomic structure by occupying interstitial positions above 12,000 feet
Molybdenum is used to harden steel. In addition to military uses, the alloy is used to manufacture tennis racquets and mountain bikes. Heavy deposits are found in Iran, parts of Russia and in Colorado. For decades, most people in Crested Butte have fought attempts to mine the alloy saying mining conflicts with lifestyles and livelihoods for the majority of residents.
It ain’t cheap to buy land here however under the controversial Mining Law of 1872 the feds sold Phelps Dodge 155 acres near the town for $875 despite an estimate, by the dark-souled company, that the land could produce up to $160 million in profits over 10 years. Fractional ownership?
“That’s a pretty good chunk of land for the money,” said Marigold Sonovobitche, a realtor from Vermont who now lives here. “That was public land owned by the people of the United States who had no say whatsoever in the transfer. I just hope Snodgrass is safe from the mining companies so that the ski area can expand. Imagine what rumbling ore trucks will do to all the trophy homes dotting the hills above Mt Crested Butte?”
None of the companies who got in on the recent windfall will pay the federal gov’ment so much as a penny for the value of minerals extracted. Newmont Mining, located in Denver, has claimed an estimated 350,000 acres of public land in the western United States while Canadian and Australian companies round out the top ten recipients on mineral welfare.
“Hopefully we won’t have to deal with all that if there’s no more molybdenum,” said Harriet Condo who admits that it’s far more enjoyable riding bikes and skiing than monitoring the federal government.
“Why can’t they just mine in Gunnison?” she asked. “People down there like that sort of thing. Why can’t those bad ol’ Canadians go back to Canada or wherever they’re from? Why can’t the US invade other countries that have molybdenum and leave Crested Butte alone?”
The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency estimates that mine wastes contaminate 40 percent of western headwaters. The agency adds that taxpayers should pay the $35 billion cleanup bill that is increasing daily. That’s a tough solution to a problem that won’t just go away. The mining companies won’t clean up after themselves.
“We’re not against normal growth but tough love at less than a dollar an acre is just another taxpayer rip-off,” added Sonovobitche.
– Alabaster Max
Rather grand in its own right…
The Black Canyon National Park is open and offers a fine spot for hiking, wildlife viewing, climbing and vertigo adventures. Easily accessed from Highway 50 just east of Montrose, the Black Canyon is one of the least visited (yet most dramatic) National Parks and fewer people means a more relaxed, natural experience. With dramatic vistas and easy access to the Gunnison River, it is the perfect place to enjoy a day or two in Western Colorado this summer. (Winter photo-Please pardon the snow).
Todos los autos serán del mismo color por ’22
(Detroit) Según los tres grandes fabricantes de automóviles de la nación, todos los autos fabricados después de 2022 serán del mismo color. Esto se aplicará a los automóviles y camiones fabricados en los EE. UU., Así como a los producidos por otros jugadores importantes, como Japón, Alemania, Rusia y Gran Bretaña.
De acuerdo con un portavoz de la industria automotriz, no hay un propósito utilitario para todos los colores, que eran solo una incitación para que la gente compre autos que pensaban que harían una declaración como el Corvette rojo, el Dakota negro o el Land Rover plateado.
“Creemos que el conductor de hoy es más brillante y quiere ahorrar en costos innecesarios”, dijo una fuente de la industria. “¿Qué es el rojo de todos modos, pero una mezcla de naranja y negro? ¿Y qué pasa con el amarillo canario o el ópalo azul? Es todo menos una ilusión”.
En la actualidad, todos los autos se pintarán de color bronceado del desierto, ya que sale de la línea de ensamblaje, pero los departamentos de mercadotecnia se apresuran a encontrar un nombre que suene más emocionante que el de bronceado del desierto.
“No sé”, dijo. “Es una especie de color de ciruela o tal vez incluso una rosa de adobe o cobre cubierto”, dijo. “Estoy seguro de que a nuestra gente se le ocurrirá algo bueno, incluso si no tiene ningún sentido lógico”.
La reacción del consumidor se mezcló con un dicho que dice que el color es uno de los factores más importantes que se deben tener en cuenta al comprar un vehículo y otros dicen que, de todos modos, no se puede notar la diferencia entre un Cadillac y un Mercedes.
“Podrían ser todos del mismo color”, dijo un potencial comprador. “Me gustaría conocer a la persona que les vendió toda esa pintura”.
– Gabby Haze
The Winner’s of Last Night’s Fist Fight/Debate
(Red’s Gravy Heaven at the Mañana Cloverleaf) Come see us on the weekends
1. Remote Control hearing aids are a frightening development and cannot lead to harmony in the household no matter who is at the helm.
2. Betterment From Within – The Redefinition of Light: Lesson Number Six: “Finding One’s Ass in a Windstorm”
3. “Golf and Buried News for 1460 Days.” – Trump and Stripes Magazine
4. Toole Lands Preacher’s License, Won’t Pay Taxes Ever Again
5. The plural of moose is los moose.
ROCK SOUP
Nora: Watch the seals at play and regain your lost soul – Leopold Bloom.
Tax advice #399: Avoid annoying audits. Send 25% of your taxes due directly to the Pentagon and save penalties and interest too. Since the money is going to end up there anyway, why make us do all the paperwork? We might even lose it in the mail. Your contribution will go toward building even bigger and better weapons which will be used against enemies of freedom as we define it.
Lost: Yardarm from Stevens Power Yacht along with entire starboard side and some rope. Cannot find crew since entering harbor last Friday. Running short of malt and scurvy setting in. House plants doing well. Help. Finbar the Sailor.
Monster Man Kelly will be in Cahone to take on all bare-fisted comers through July 19. Pick up entry form at Disappointment Valley Optimist’s Club. Cash payout daily. No sumo wrestlers.
Foot pads, thieves and dance house loungers must get out of Lake City and stay — otherwise hang. – By order of the Vigilantes, June 2019.
Smile…Thor loves you.
NOTICE: Local black bear are awake. PLEASE do not bother them with your intrusive demands, silly problems and ridiculous questions until they have had their coffee. Follow this simple consideration and everyone involved will have a happier summer. Thank you. DOW.
Suffering from Middle Age Vertigo Syndrome? Dial 4 and ask for Donald Quijote.
Join the OLIVE OF THE MONTH CLUB and receive a new set of olives from all of the Greek islands once a month. Naxos, Paros, Crete and more. Imagine the fun when your olives arrive by mail. It’s almost like being there! Box 30097, Ophir.
Hunters: Beware of the Hides of March! Your local 4-H Club. Do it today.
Digital Cahone, the region’s premier bouzoukia band, will be playing Friday and Saturday at The Tinsel Tavern. Bring a covered fish.
Get the credit you deserve. We don’t care what you’ve been doing to dig that fiscal hole. We’ll make it better. Mr Blue. 800-475-1153.
Red: Work release don’t buy me no prom dress. Kiss off – Kate.
Aerial photos of your enlarged ego. See Mr Habitt, afternoons the Wrinkle Room at the Last Harbor Hotel Annex. No cover.
Needed: Rogue truckers to transport hazardous materials in unmarked trailers through the Rockies while all the little environmentalists are fast asleep. Gov’ment approval pending. Great pay. Apply at the third apple shed adjacent to C Bunker across from the simple block building one mile north of the L-P surfboard plant. You won’t be sorry.
For lease: Cash cows. Herd or intimate discussion groups. Feed extra. Also broken horses and depressive goats. Free oysters to the first 1000 people through our gate! Gelded Fields Ranch, Sapinero.
Recovering realtors needed to man nuclear waste dumps. Points earned go toward legal reprieves and full emancipation someday. Aromatic Effigy Commission.
Found: Truckload of acronyms in front of Gunnison Quart House. Have same stored at Department of Dead Letters. Please advise. Second Floor, No anchovies.
Enjoy Apres Ski! Genuine Salivation Army issue Apex Telemark Meatloaf Conveyor. One odor. Was $6780 now $10 with your KBUT Membership. Many elk designs under the socks. Also, need someone to direct traffic at Society Turn weekdays. Town Console.
Learn the intricacies of Bingo on location in Latin American countries. One month sessions now booked. Richard “Pelota” Ricardo, Havana.
Will the person who called in the bomb threat to the Montrose Wal-Mart please turn himself in. We have you on camera. Do so before June 30 and take 20% off all spring merchandise.
Official combat helmets just like those worn by the Colorado Rockies pitching staff in 2018. Also: Check these specials: Base paths 2/$3; Chewing tobacco $4.99; Arbitration couches and front office supplies 40% off. Utility infielders 1/3 off while they last. Diluted personnel always on sale. Mack the Hack, Mack.
Grow hair where and when you want to. Dial 45. No scalpers.
Bagpiper needed to host Wee People when they come to town for pint. Duties include keeping little glasses full and keeping little glasses full and keeping little glasses full. Commission only. Liam O’Leary.
Scapegoat milk and cheeses delivered to your bunker daily. Fred Hat Produce.
Remember: July 30 is the final deadline for refunds on the Colorado Unused Firewood Tax Credit. If you were smart you burned all those federal forms to stay warm and should have a stack of wood leftover for lovely October. Call the IRS.
Don’t forget the FREE PERFUME SAMPLE: See Lifestyles at Risk.
