PET PARADE

with Dr. Efram Pennywhistle Jr, DVM, LSMFT.

WHEN SHOULD KITTY START DATING?

If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it twice…Dr. Efram: When should my cat be allowed to date? Well, that is a good question, the make-up of which is within the makeup of the individual feline. Some cats are mature at two or three. Others have already shown themselves to be irresponsible by that time. One such miss that lived in our neighborhood produced 15 litters before she even had her driver’s license. What a slut.

If one’s family cat has been brought up properly and has the ability to distinguish between good and evil she should be able to be trusted on a chaperoned date with a Tom at adolescence. Never push kitty into the social scene though. Monitor the behavior herein while on an outing and have the Tom checked out by a local veterinarian.

When my sister’s cat first started dating my brother-in-law, Salvador, offered to drive the felines to the movies. This was working out well until Sal got his third DUI and lost his license. Now the same kitties take the bus or walk and manage to visit their driver/benefactor in the can on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That shows something.

In potential dilemmas it is imperative to keep a clear head. Trust is the key word. The way we treat a pet at the offset often determines the personality traits. If all of this is too scientific for some of you just have the animal spayed. This has been Dr Efram Pennywhistle for Pet Parade.

NEXT TIME: Tomcats, like all males of any species, have only one thing on their demented minds. We’ll show you how to nip them in the bud right out there in the garage. See you then!

All Cars To Be Same Color by ’24

(Detroit) According to the nation’s big three auto makers all cars manufactured after 2024 will be the same color. This will hold true with cars and trucks made in the U.S. as well as those produced by other major players such as Japan, Germany, Russia and Great Britain.

“It’s tribal,” said one CEO

According to an auto industry spokesperson there is no utilitarian purpose for all the colors, which were only an enticement aimed at getting people to buy cars that they thought would make a statement such as the red Corvette, the black Dakota or the silver Land Rover.

“We think today’s driver is brighter and wants to save on unnecessary frills,” clutched a high industry source. “What is red anyway but a mixture of orange and black? And what of canary yellow, or blue opal? It’s all but an illusion.”

At present every car will be painted desert tan, as it comes off the assembly line, but marketing departments are scurrying to come up with a more exciting sounding name than desert tan.

“It’s kind of a screened prune color or maybe even a rose adobe or shrouded copper, I don’t know,” he said. “I’m sure our people will come up with something nice even if it makes no logical sense at all.”

Consumer reaction was mixed with some saying color is one of the major factors to consider when purchasing a vehicle and others saying you can’t tell the difference between a Cadillac and a Mercedes anymore anyway.

“They might as well all be the same color,” quipped one potential buyer. “I’d just like to meet the person who sold them all that paint.”

– Gabby Haze

NRA Convention Carnage Told

(Blandson MO) Members of the National Rifle Association opened fire on each other yesterday during a rally aimed at new membership. Authorities were hesitant to estimate the casualties saying only that they are still counting.

No one knows how a simple argument over the charter of the group mushroomed into violence. Regional differences and the easy access to assault weapons are blamed for the shootings at press time. Members were sitting in very vulnerable circular seating when someone opened up. Response was quick and misdirected leaving the pro-weapons lobby crippled and disoriented.

Ironically enough, stricter background checks might have prevented the tragedy.

– Susie Compost

Young men of Ireland beware:

HEN PARTIES

are conducted & tolerated

in your townlands and parishes

Please stay in the pub

until further clarity

has been established on

these rambunctious activities

& disorderly encounters

occurring after a decent hour.

–  Clonakilty Council on Public Safety

SPEAKER TO SPEAK

(Warshington UPS) House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will speak before the combined House of Representatives on Thursday. She is expected to address immigration issues, climate change, Wall Street and the aggressive foreign policies of the white House.

Pelosi told reporters that it was time to clear the air and reach out to the other side of the aisle.

“Since I am the Speaker I feel it is my sworn duty to speak,” said the highest-ranking female elected official in the history of the United States. “The problem is that I am either preaching to the choir or talking to a wall,” she said in reference to the partisan politics that plague the capitol.

Pelosi is expected to criticize the “inhuman practices conducted by the present administration at the borders” as well as “the profits of climate change denial” and white-collar corruption.

The Democrats have no public agenda on these issues that is known at this time. Many inside the party are scrambling for a voice or even a slogan to further enhance defeating Trump in 2020. Right now it is all anti-Trump, minus solutions.

Despite ascertains that she represents the average American the Congresswoman’s net worth was over $30 million in 2017.

In a related development FOX News has secured the exclusive rights to broadcast the 2020 Presidential Elections. The network will dissect the contest 24 hours per day starting in September. It is the first time a television network has taken on such a gargantuan task; especially considering the fact that many FOX celebrities hold positions in the Trump Administration.

– Susie Compost

“Podran cortar todas las flores, pero no podrán detener la primavera”

– Pablo Neruda

Yet another delightful Irish village

Castletownsend in West Cork is quietly tucked away near the sea and the green