Everything’s Broken Syndrome Epidemic

(New Jork – Wannabee Flyer — April, 2017)

Research engineers here confirm that the current state of social disrepair has outgrown its traditional parameters. The proportional statistics are not looking good for the future either.

Illustrating this rude malady we see broken vacuum cleaners, dysfunctional bread makers, a wrecked recliner…and that’s just in the living quarters. Out on the barn there is a dilapidated satellite dish, two camper trailers in pieces, a quaint but broken ceramic birdbath and a scattering of school desks scuttled before their time.

The trends see us moving toward throw-away everything in a recycled nightmare,” concludes Dr Irm Peawitt of the Polo Grounds Institute, a new age think tank, located under the 3rd Street Bridge which has been broken and out of commission since the end of hockey season.

“Today in our cities there are over 400,000 toasters out of commission while almost 2500 cars wouldn’t start this morning,” said Peawitt. “We haven’t a clue where to go with all of this but since our budget runs through next December we’ll keep coming to work. We have stored everything in secret, fireproof files for posterity and according to strict federal regulations.”

“God help these government people if the check writing machine or the shredder goes on the fritz,” laughed Peawitt. “My agency accomplishes little and therefore our shenanigans are an open book and every Friday we are paid in gold bars which are nice but often difficult to cash over the weekend.”

– Tommy Middlefinger

“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.”
– Ann Wilson-Schaef