Too much executive direction, too few tenants

(Mañana — July 19, 2016) According to a recent study completed as part of Traffic Pattern Summer here, the number of Executive Directors in town equal the number of empty storefronts…exactly. The formula, new to science, suggests that while titles abound, real work is delegated at best and often neglected in favor of power plays and petty politics.

“The square root of the number of days planning relative to the number of hours operating are severely lopsided,” said Edwin Cerro, of some sociological or psychological think tank in Peach Valley. “Then if we add the infinite value to the primitive mode we get the definitive chaos that defines life in the 21st Century. Get it?”

Cerro went on to insist that postulates exhorting the use of hallucinogens to make it through the day or eating genetically modified fast foods are not acceptable language at the dinner table.

“The multiplier, number 4, is a mysterious footnote to the astral proceedings conducted at a lunch stand near Stonehenge and in the beehives of Ballyferriter. In short we don’t know what it means but it does clearly combine the critical division of the Universe into equal and passive parts while moonbeam traffic patterns remain a recipe for disaster.

In a related story plans to build a series of roundabouts over the river and through the woods at the local golf course have come to a sudden halt as neighbors screamed down local officials, driving them out of the neighborhood with bean poles and battle axes.

“There is nothing circular going on as golfers pass the fairway on their way to the green. Even the Giant Carnivore Cottonwoods stand straight and in a row,” said Cerro. “The merchant class will not put up with this tomfoolery.”

Susie Compost