The importance of cutting national intelligence quotients prioritized

When told by a reporter that the Oval Office was actually a rectangle, orange trump vacantly replied “I know that. We’re transparent and covert around here. There are no corners for deadbeats to hide in,” he said*.

“You know, malcontents on food stamps and Democrats playing the system is the big drain. It’s costing us billions!” he ranted. “Even massive tax breaks to the rich won’t solve this “wicked transgression of racketeering and gangsterism”, he deflected.

“Shapes don’t matter to me, he continued. “I have designed over 40 offices, built resorts and made millions through my business deals. I have strengthened our alliances, saved the failed Biden economy through my very popular tariffs, protected voting rights for white American citizens and killed socialist wind energy so we can all go back to watching television 22 hours a day.** In addition I have single-handedly reduced our reliance on National Intelligence, cutting the veteran spook staff by at least 1/3, maybe even 1/4, he bragged.”

“That orange thing is the president and he doesn’t give a tinker’s damn about you or I.”  – reporter on oval and rectangular

* The AP Stylebook, Merriam-Webster, The American Heritage Dictionary and The Chicago Manual of Style have sanctioned the use of the world lie as a valid and more precise substitute for the word said when quoting trump or anyone associated with the current administration.

Noting a humorous aside, the exacting language cops topped off this phraseology with a vague reference: “How can you tell he is lying? His mouth moves.” In addition, the embrace of the new verb called “long in coming” by communist detractors certain that trump has never read these reference sources despite “finishing first in his class at University of Pennsylvania,” (or so he said.)

“He reads the wrappers on fast food delivered to the back door of the White House,” said one strawberry GOP congressman. “Otherwise, I have yet to see anything resembling a book in his possession. At least he’s white.”

**It is clear to these nincompoops that since wind energy is not a fossil fuel it is not powerful enough to operate common household appliances such as televisions, riding mowers and home air defense systems and therefore should be demonized, delegated to and designated as a shithole enterprise.

– Fred Zepplin