Census Tough on Schizophrenics

(From the Buffalo Bill’s Buried Here Too News* — Feb 9 , 2016)

Lookout Mountain — The United States Census, conducted every ten years in appointed jurisdictions all over then nation, is painful, sometimes even devastating for the more than 200,000 registered schizophrenics in Colorado.
The line of questioning, simple enough to most of us, often causes confusion, disorientation and depression.

“Most of us are distrustful of anyone associated with the federal gov’ment to start with,” said Dr. Orem Quacken-Quacken, Chair of the Psychology Department at Buffalo Bill Marine Academy here.” Then they show up at your front door asking questions and writing on their clipboards. Most people deal with the intrusion while schizophrenics often run and hide, preferring not to answer the door at all.”

In addition Quacken-Quacken takes issue with the entire process of collecting information on population, saying the figures collected from many households are invalid and do not reflect distinctions between number of persons and number of personalities.

“Face to face episodes are often perceived as confrontational which skews the data,” continued the academic. “The census people should consider a secure mail-in form to avoid spinning out of control. Then all personalities might participate in a more protected environment.”

– Xeno Phobicette

*According to the 2010 Census the schizophrenic hero, Buffalo Bill is buried in decorated graves in Colorado, Wyoming, Montana and Utah. Rumors of another memorial resting place in New Mexico were extinguished when it became apparent that a tombstone bearing Bill’s epitaph was that of an actual buffalo slaughtered by railroad sharpshooters for its hide in 1877.