WENDY PREGNANT, RESTAURANT CLOSED

(Montrose) The local Wendy’s Restaurant will be closed indefinitely due to the surprise pregnancy of its pig-tailed owner. The freckle-faced slut was not available for comment. Sources here are suggesting just who the father might be.
“It’s very, very difficult to say who she has been with over the winter,” said a fry cook who claims to have been out of town since December.
Conjecture has it that the father is either the Burger King, Col. Sanders or Ronald McDonald. Since Wendy is a minor all or some of the suspected daddies could face criminal charges.