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HISTORY OF THE CLAP

Ever since homo erectus strolled these shores the ritual of clapping in approval and/or appreciation has been with us. Why did such an odd ritual gain such favor within societies as remote as the Maori in New Zealand and the Utes in North America? Were ancient peoples really only trying to kill flies when the curtain went down? What did early entertainers from places like the Fertile Crescent think when the audience began slapping their hands together at a particularly moving moment on stage? We have no idea. Nonetheless, here are some of the more pronounced developments chronologically introduced through the ages.

5000 BC a clumsy Bornean orangutan (spanking monkey) falls from a branchwater eucalyptus tree while applauding a traveling mango juggling troupe near the Mount Kilimanjaro. Millenniums later his ancestors repeat the behavior at national political conventions.

2750 BC   Early Hittites disguised as edible crustaceans receive the first recorded standing ovation after a lackluster performance of Don’t Cry For Me Watusi.

1523 BC Nefertiti is applauded by Egyptian Talisman’s Union after acquiring her own checking account despite the protests by hubby and noted Vaudevillian, Akhenaton. The Nile Valley punk band, The Pharaohs, jam for an additional four hours after a third ovation accompanied by kazoos, washboards, sirens, sand whistles and canned laughter.

900 BC  Sumerians invent beer and they bring down the house. Gobshites, with wind-generated clapping machines, first appear in Eire. Distillation gets a thumbs up as the applause lasts all month.

401 BC  Xanthippe, wife of Socrates first appears in public wearing slinky clapping gloves made from the bat guano.

559 BC – Confucius releases his classic One Hand Clapping Backwards. 2500 years later it becomes the film Rocky XVII.

522 BC Prophets Ezekiel and Zoroaster simultaneously predict the emergence of Elvis, but mistakenly put his birthplace as Delta, Colorado.

200 BC  After a tedious reading of Reconnoiter My Arse Gaelic warrior Courvoisier Cu Cuchulainn   bows from the waist and is beheaded by Roman legions.

11 BC  First case of fruit throwing, amid rampant clapping, at an indoor venue in dusty Carthage.

2 AD Invention of the trash/vomit bag heralded as man’s finest achievement to that point. Put your hands together for…

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