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Sainthood “posthumous promotion” – Pontiff

  Pope Francis told a group of pilgrims that the sacred achievement of sainthood was similar to a promotion in the lay/corporate sector.

     Outstanding Catholics, elevated to the rank of saint, are chosen due to goodness, love of fellows and loyalty to the Vatican. Their escapades while here on earth, although often theatrical, even melodramatic, could also have been quite normal, even boring.

     “Why not make everyone a saint. It doesn’t cost anything.” said the Pontiff.

     “Loyal employees get a watch after 40 years. Some get promoted to partner or VP. Why not sainthood as a reward for daily religious achievements?” he pressed.

     At present anyone considered to be saint material must undergo a series of IV Divine Vatican impasses, checks and examinations: Recognition, Nomination Research, Beatification (which they say can be painful), and finally Sainthood. 

     The sacred status is more difficult to attain than, say,  being elected to the House of Representatives but easier than securing a seat on the local town council.

     In a related development: Recently unearthed documents alleging that Jesus Christ may have been Undocumented have gained international attention, but no comment from religious groups. 

     None of the major Judeo-Christian sects have commented on conclusive evidence that most Jewish male babies had not been registered due to the messy King Herod thing and all. Many undoubtedly fell through the cracks of ancient history leaving their political status unclear, technically illegal aliens in their own country. 

     In the case of the prophet Jesus this may have led to his short, interrupted life as a rebel and socialist. 

– Fred Zeppelin

Next month: Did the Apostles smoke pot? 

Ecumenical Council Leaves Trail of Smoke