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Coor’s rightfield to be seeded in alfalfa, sorghum
(Blake Street) What used to be a keystone right field, ripe with problems, is now producing bountiful harvests according to the Rockies’ agricultural consultants. In addition to habitat for wildlife, these experts expect to grow corn in the upper deck and rice down in the infild by 2027…all without influencing play.
“We’re expecting multiple yields as early as next fall,” said a spokesman for the cellar-dweller National League franchise. That’s batting .1000 in my book!” he smiled. The terraced and flat regions of right field boast contour patterns while the rows are perfectly symmetrical like pin stripes on a crisp new uniform. It’s simple crop rotation, like a pitching rotation, only we actually keep the best players so as to build a team.”
The above source went on to say that the Rockies hope to grow organic players like the Dodgers and Yankees. At present the ledger sheet does all the talking with the wealthier concerns like the Cubs and Red Sox spending way more money on free agents, especially at trade deadlines, than the Rockies have in the bank. In short without parity the wealthier teams are in the driver’s seat, harvesting at will, applying exotic fertilizer on a whim.
“The Dodgers, Giants and Yankees even have a minor league farm system training thr next generation of tarpolan pushers, ushers and beer salesmaen,” continued the source. “We just as well plant corn and onions out in left field too.”
Erosion, a plague on most farming operations, has already been addressed at Coors by applying the rules of maximum density and efficiency even in the dugout where small terrariums and vegetable plots abound.
Many local experts feel that an occasional crop circle could motivate behavior at the plate. The choice of crops strongly signifies past problems and a driving desire to set things right after several successful seasons years ago.
One cherished grounds crew highlight will remain with a full-contact irrigation display in the 7th inning stretch, backed up by an assortment of patriotic anthems. Team executives hope that they can begin serving alfalfa IPAs and sorghum-based nachos by 2027.
