All Entries Tagged With: "Rockies"
Celtic Cross in Castletownsend
A large Celtic cross stands watch in the cemetery at St. Barrahane’s Church. Outside the views are magnificent while inside stained glass and a beautiful organ await the visitor. The acoustics are such that concerts are performed here during the summer.
Please Help Save The Congress
As of this morning many in Congress continue to suffer from Zombie Deer Disease. Most have continued to be absent despite shortages of vaccine and spring weather. In addition, the treatment for the malady is not covered under the current Congressional Health Insurance policy. We are asking for your financial support so as to keep our legal representatives on the job until the plague relents or a more non-partisan termination occurs. Send $20 and receive a Make America Healthy Again in Washington.
In honor of National Apology Month in May:
Correction: In our headline regarding the alarming spike in the world raven population: It should have read: threatens to end GOP sects and not threatens to end GOP sex as was first reported. You apologize for any harm this might have caused.
Fishing boat Castletownbere, West Cork
Flounder, pollack, mackerel, hake, garfish, scallops, crab, lobster, mussels, bass and clams—all fresh and on the table moments after the fishermen come in.
PGA Bombshell: Robots Play On The Tour
Jacksonville – The PGA Tour has finally come clean on the matter of AI Robots playing in Tour events.
Tour spokesperson, P.R. Imalion, when pressed by reporters in a pre-Players Championship press conference, admitted to the group that, yes, in fact there are three tours players who are not human, but rather humanoid and whose mental capacity is based on Artificial Intelligence.
The questioning came as a result of swing analysis aired on the Golf Channel showing the remarkably consistent mechanics of some of the tour players. The show’s guest had made a remark that the swings were almost robotic in grace and repeatability.
“I think that these players have swings that are so repeatable and precise that it reminds me of the precision found in computer generated tooling,” proclaimed former tour player Nick Diamond.
There was also the incident where an event sponsor suffered two broken bones in his hand during a handshake with Osaka Katatobe earlier in the season. The sponsor said it felt like he was shaking hands with King Kong.
The idea of robotic tour players has always been the subject of joking and speculation among the players and fans of Tour Golf. Now an official has said out loud that it is reality.
While admitting to their presence, the spokesperson was unwilling to name names, saying that to reveal their identity would be to compromise their privacy.
“We respect their right to be who they are. Since their presence is basically undetectable and they are functional and competitive members of the Tour, it would be wrong to ‘out’ them as some would call it,” the Tour spox said.
“Is Katatobe one of them?” an NBC anchor pressed the matter.
“I am sorry but I cannot comment on identities,” Imalion stood firm.
One reporter from a Sporting News asked if any of the ‘bots had won an event.
“First, it is demeaning to refer to them as ‘bots,” Imalion admonished the media folks. “I mean we are way past Iron Byron,” she said, referring to the mechanical club-swinging machine that has been used for decades to test golf balls and club shafts.
“These special people are just like you and me, except that they were not born and reared the way we were.”
Imalion then went on to the answer the question by saying that in two cases since the three began as regular players on the tour just over 18 months ago, two of the three have won an event, and one of those was a major.
The press tent erupted as the gathered media clan demanded, in a single voice, to know who the winners were. Imalion refused to release the name of the non-human Tour winners.
“Somebody had to build them and program them and set them up on the tour. Who was that?” prodded the Times Picayune scribe.
“The three came to us through the sports management company that owns them, and produced, or nurtured them,” she said.
“With the two who won events, who got the prize money?” the ESPN reporter asked while the rest of the room mumbled.
Imalion told the media folks that the funds were paid to the management company since they are responsible for the “players.”
“Which management company?” the Chicago Tribune writer demanded.
“I am not at liberty to say. If you want to know more I will have to have you talk to the Tour Director.
“You know that within ten minutes of us leaving this room we will know who they are and then we will find them. It’s what we do,” The Tribune writer glared at the Tour spokesman. “If you aren’t ready to tell us the whole story then why did you even open your mouth today?”
“I’m sorry that’s all we have time for today,” Imalion hurried off the podium and out the back door of the pressroom.
– Michael Cox
“Genius is never recognized while the subject is living. That’s why we endorse reincarnation.” – Gabby Haze.
TRUMPS OUT LOOKING AT PRISONS
Trump family values were showcased this weekend with major players enjoying an outing together after attending church services at a bank in Florida.
The first extended family visited three state institutions and two federal lockups in apprehension of stays at either or both facilities. They did not have contact with inmates who had been shuffled off so as not to distract or subtract from the highly publicized tours. Each family member has his own “must haves” including cells with balconies and golf privileges.
“They love to spend time together,” said Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Kellyanne Conway in perfect unison. “We hope they found a nice slammer. We plan to visit just as soon as they are all incarcerated.”
Sanders later denied making the statement following what was called a tense briefing by shadow White House staff. Conway has yet to change her story. Neither responded to reporters who asked if the pair would be joining their bosses behind bars “any time soon”.
Seventeenth Century FOX News covered the event lauding the Trumps for spending time as “a good Christian family in the beautiful spring weather” and for thinking ahead on matters of national security. It added that the Trumps were only there in an official capacity and the excursion had little to do with the First Step Act, recently passed in a rare bipartisan vote. The network added that the pleasant weather was proof enough that global warming was just another farce, “another witch hunt”, parroted one analyst.
“If we had more families like the Trumps we’d have more families like the Trumps,” said the GOP propaganda tool that delights so many. “That confirms it for us and should for you too or illegal aliens and gay people will get you.
“Some prisons are better than others,” said Jared Kushner (not pictured) who may find out sooner than later.
– Kashmir Horseshoe
