All Entries Tagged With: "Rockies"
Winter’s on the prowl in Crested Butte
Despite what it feels like on Elk Avenue today be advised that the Iceman cometh…but so does skiing. Life ain’t all too bad. (O’Toole of the Andes Photo Service)
SKIING DE NO EN LA BIBLIA DICE LAKE CITY MUJER
(Montrose – Rapto colas, Partituras y Horarios – 25 de septiembre de 2016)
El deporte del esquí no se menciona siquiera una vez en el judeo-cristiano Biblia dice un clérigo Lake City que a menudo desfila alrededor como la conciencia del condado de Hinsdale.
Según Freida markfore la Sagrada Escritura no hace referencia a esquiar y por lo tanto todo el modus operandi debe evitarse por el temeroso de Dios justo.
“Si el buen Dios quería que el hombre a deslizarse por las montañas que lo habría creado con bordes en sus pies y postes incluidos en el” paquete de principiante. “Él también habría hecho caer la nieve en la Tierra Santa”, reflexionó.
“Las puertas del Paraíso no se abrirán para una parada quitanieves o un giro telemark,” pronostica ella. “Y no se espera que las condiciones de nieve en el infierno para mejorar en la eternidad próximo.”
Markfore, que a veces se conoce con el alias de Luella Caquis, frunció el ceño cuando se sugirió que el esquí, asociada a estilos de vida nórdicos y quizás dioses vikingos no lo hizo jive con las actividades cotidianas de los semitas de Asia Menor.
“Yo no estoy hablando de no mineros,” ella replicó con vehemencia. “La mayoría de ellos están bien en su camino al infierno en una cesta de mano y ni siquiera lo saben.”
– Warren de Wexley
Don Woodbury RIP
The Gunnison Valley lost a real good one with the recent passing of Don Woodbury. He will be missed.
Local Stations Caught Making up Weather
Bland Valley — Rain Or Shine –Sept 27, 2016
Police have arrested more than 15 Colorado “executive weather personalities” in connection with alleged misuse of FCC licensing, falsifying weather patterns and concocting fictitious reports. In addition over $1000 worth of illegal solar storm telescopes, a flock of undernourished homing pigeons and an assortment of pornographic weather charts.
“It has been on our radar for some time,” said one FCC enforcer who hopes this indictment might grow to include news sources that lie or bend the truth. “Our information is being seriously tampered with by those who seek a dumber audience. It’s all a mater of controlling what we think and do.”
Many in custody have admitted that their entities have been making up the weather that they broadcast. Some have simply reused previously used forecasts in a cost-saving effort since they feel a high percentage of their TV viewers do not have the skills to decipher what is going on around them.
One station, in keeping with seasonal boundaries, simply throws the dice or cuts cards to determine what tomorrow might be like.
“If we throw doubles it’s gonna rain and if we throw higher than a combination of six it will most likely be sunny,” said one incarcerated talking head. “If we throw doubles twice in a row the world is going to end but we let our crack news team handle that announcement.”
At the preliminary arraignment one former “weather gal” told of wild parties on the set featuring soggy nachos and even 3.2 beer. The participants felt as though they were bulletproof and believed solstice to be Satan’s holiday.
If convicted the whole slew could face hard time but most likely they will simply be shot or banned from the airwaves. Citizens have the ability to predict their own local weather and do not need to listen to these idiots each morning and afternoon. They just need to go outside.
The FCC has pledged to clean up the misinformation omnipresent in today’s oligarch media.
“It’s too bad people can’t wake up and see what’s happening to them. They prefer to blame poor people and minorities for their station in life rather than blaming the people power brokers,” whispered a court reporter. “It’s just like fishing. When I was younger my Uncle Red used to lob dynamite into a pond and throw a fish fry. You can’t do that today.”
She did not nor was encouraged to elaborate.
– Fred Zeppelin
Alaska’s Renaissance Man
(Juneau, Alaska — 52 Poster Review — September 26, 2016)
Jeff Brown has been entertaining himself for decades. Fortunately he’s been entertaining the rest of us as well. But why does this seemingly normal, former Coast Guard sailor and Groucho Marx aficionado insist on hanging the hilarious posters of biting satire all along the Gastineau Channel?
No one, last of all Brown, can answer that question.
Maybe he’s a futuristic super hero or maybe he’s a lunatic but that’s no way to talk about a man that was recently recognized for lifetime achievements by the Alaskan Governor’s Awards for the Arts.
Maybe, as many fear, it is Brown’s attempt to take over the world.
“This guy has no boundaries,” said a former colleague at The Juneau What, a funny paper published here some year ago. “He redefines multi-media.”
Jeff is an accomplished musician, does public radio shows for children, creates crazy postcards, publishes Real Alaska Magazine and produces traveling magic shows. He also founded the Alaska Folk Fest and established a growing worldwide celebration of the wonderful world of balloon animals. (He is the standing balloonist laureate).
“Look! It’s him! The one in the invisible clown suit! Grab him! Catch him before he gets away!”
Impacted by such groups as Firesign Theater, Jeff sounds a lot like a guy that has just won a prestigious award. Whether he is in Juneau, Sitka or Ketchikan people know him as the man with the big imagination.
“What inspires a person to twist a balloon into a shape of a moose or take photos of someone vacuuming a glacier or run for mayor in a gorilla suit? asks writer Ed Schoenfeld in a recent piece on Brown.
You’d never hear it from Brown but let’s hear it from him anyway:
“I guess it all centers around making people happy. That’s kind of what I’ve given myself as “job in life”: to make people smile and to make their lives a little bit easier to live,” he said.
About the only thing Brown hasn’t done is sell hot dogs.
“Never sold hot dogs,” he said.
-Melvin Toole
