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AMA Recommends Porch Sitting

(Warshington) In a total reversal from previous directives, the American Medical Association now heartily recommends that people engage in porch sitting for a minimum of three hours per day. The group further discounted notions that exercise is the real priority and even implied that too much movement could be harmful to the general health.

     “It doesn’t matter if people lounge around on the porch in the morning or get their three hours in after dinner,” said Dr Simon Lackluster of St Roscoe’s Clinic over in Virginia. “People who are in good shape should welcome the relaxation while our nation’s fat folk could implement a combination routine of healthy eating and exercise before embracing quiet time on the porch.”

     The AMA has recently released a slick pamphlet called “Safe and Effective Porch Sitting” which is available at progressive pharmacies throughout the country. It clearly outlines methods of porch enjoyment listing accessories, furniture and even attire to assure correct application of loafing, or porching, as enthusiasts call the inaction.

     “Some of the great Southern writers, such a William Faulkner and Tennessee Williams set an entire novel on the porch,” continued Lackluster. “One could see everything from the porch, which often lead to family conflicts and exposed deep emotional scars there on so many rocking chairs and swings.”

     Porch sitting crosses socio-economic lines and, in most cases does not create problems so far as race, religion or gender preference, depending who shares the porch.

     One often asked question regarding these restful concepts is “What if I don’t got no porch?”

     The answer, according to medical journals is simple: “Get one.”

– Ripple Van Winkle