All Entries Tagged With: "Ouray"
Amarillo marcado en un paraíso andino
Debido al virus, el cierre mundial y los vuelos cancelados, hemos estado en cuarentena cerca de una ciudad de montaña de 6500 pies en Antioquia, Colombia desde mediados de marzo. Hace 74 grados, soleado y silencioso.
Después de buscar días por calles vacías y entre los residentes enmascarados, finalmente he aceptado el lamentable hecho de que las tiendas de comestibles en el pequeño pueblo de Jardin, Colombia, no ofrecen Twinkies o Ding Dongs. Puedo lidiar con la flagrante, casi arrogante ausencia de encurtidos kosher, filetes de atún ahi, pizza congelada, champán y caviar, ¿pero ahora esto?
Hoy compramos arroz, frijoles, mangos, huevos, calabacín, jarabe de arce, pollo, ajo, pimientos, yuca, papas, camarones, salmón, cerveza, ron, granola, queso, jamón, chorizo, crema, leche, jengibre, mantequilla de maní. , pasta, maní, papas fritas, tomates, papaya, agua mineral, productos de papel, galletas de soda, Oreos, yogurt, pasta de dientes, tilapia, duraznos enlatados, café, mantequilla, albahaca, salsa, tomillo, orégano, alcaparras, vino para cocinar, aceitunas , salsa de espagueti, mezcla para panqueques, chocolate, cilantro y pepinos.
Todo fue entregado (huevos en el manillar) a nuestra casa de campo a un kilómetro de la ciudad sin cargo adicional. Servicio domicilio ala moto. Incluso la cerveza todavía estaba fría. El alamode de supervivencia puede ser un entretenimiento de alto impacto.
Jardin, Antioquia, Colombia from LaLinda
Esta noche nos deleitaremos con ajiaco o sancocho o tal vez fritanga. Las recetas para estos platos finos se pueden arrinconar fácilmente en una variedad de fuentes.
Sentado en mi oficina al aire libre mirando los plátanos y los mandarines, tengo la idea de que soy un intruso en este magnífico paisaje de abrumadoras verdes y brisas. Mi vecino, Fabio, cosecha granos de café para vender mientras veo pájaros, vigilo las noticias, escribo historias y leo libros. Nunca te aburrirás cuando haya libros.
He leído a Tolstoi al revés y a Joyce en el derecho de retención horizontal y en la fuga. Sí, técnicamente soy un extranjero ilegal debido al cierre de la máquina de inmigración en Medellín impulsado por virus. El pasaporte de mi compañero ha caducado y ya no poseemos un boleto de avión de regreso a los EE. UU. Podríamos alquilar una casa rodante e intentar atravesar el Darién, pero no tienen casas rodantes aquí, como en el norte.
Pero no hemos tocado un embrague en meses. Caminamos hacia la ciudad de arriba a abajo por las lodosas colinas del bosque hasta el puente amarillo que cruza el río que cae en cascada desde el circo chiva y las trucharias en Caldas hacia el sur. Es suficiente ejercicio para lubricar nuestros cerebros y huesos y ganar una cerveza por la noche. En la ciudad, la plaza se encuentra vacía al borde de las lágrimas esperando ser nuevamente el centro de la vida.
Los perros del vecino ahora están visitando esta mañana, mientras las dos vacas residentes muy amigables nos miran desde la línea de la valla endeble, esperando que entreguemos el almuerzo de la hierba dulce fuera de nuestro alcance. Los caballos relinchan en las sombras restantes del anochecer sin preocuparse por la situación humana.
A veces nos sentamos en el patio y miramos la aldea tranquila y desierta, un lugar que hace solo unas semanas estaba lleno de vida. Oh, excepto por el gruñido de altas revoluciones y el estruendo de una motocicleta mal sintonizada que rebota en las paredes coloniales o personas que gritan hola desde balcones o bocinas de autobuses que hacen sonar sus salidas, o el tintineo de botellas de cerveza o campanas de iglesia golpeando a horas impías.
El río se agita y brota después de una lluvia apagada y Rocas chilla en el bosque. Observamos cómo el turno diurno de las abejas y las moscas es reemplazado por la fuerza laboral nocturna de las polillas y los escarabajos.
Algunos días casi puedo escuchar el sonido de los árboles creciendo.
– Melvino Tulavera
YOU MAY HAVE MISSED THE RAPTURE
What you need to know
According the mega-preacher Rev Dr. Arthur Conne of the Third Degree Apostolic and Very Holy Tabernacle of Our Savior Cathedral and Bingo Restitution Hall “He came back in March – If you have not been contacted as of May 15 it looks like you are out of the Loop.” But not all is lost: You could start living like Jesus told you to and see what happens down the road.
– Dieter Upanishads
ELECTION LEAGUE SAYS NO TO CROWD SEEDING
The United States Election Monitoring and Assistance Committee today banned crowd seeding as “a perverse and cowardly act” intended to portray racial and gender harmony “within a system run by wealthy old white men.” According to a statement read this morning the dubious placement of paid plants from racial and economic groups behind a speaker candidate to imply a wide-range of support when there is little, constitutes fraud and should be punished by penal servitude followed by lifelong banishment. (Photo by Stephen Miller)
McConnell: “Free Electoral College for every American”
Mitch “Kentucky Windage*” McConnell today promised free electoral college tuition for all Americans in return for concessions from Democrats regarding drilling rights to the Moon.
McConnell claimed that his constituency in Kentucky was already receiving this entitlement but few as yet have applied for this latest privilege.
“Senator McConnell doesn’t even care how you voted this is his gift to the people of Kentucky and all Americans,” said a closet aide.
Unreliable sources in Lexington say they have no knowledge of this offer or qualifications for the program.
“We’re still waiting for test kits,” said one angry representative who plans to vote for Amy McGrath for Senate in November.
– Mimi Footlettuce
Kentucky Windage is the practice of applying a horizontal adjustment of the point of aim for wind (windage) without the use of any physical or mechanical adjustments on the weapon, basketball or the aroma after a hearty meal of soup beans and cornbread.
Toole To Attempt Pantyhose Crossing of Black Canyon
(Montrose) Enlightened daredevil, Melvin Toole, will once again attempt to traverse the mighty Black Canyon but this time he’ll be employing a lifeline made from pantyhose.
The tightrope of sorts, strung between a western observation point and a well-grounded picnic table on the east side, has been fabricated by the discarded undergarments, most of which were recently liberated from local second-hand shops and the local dump (landfill).
According to aides, it his imperative that the material be strung ultra-tight so as to avoid bowing and dangerous slack spots. A fall from this altitude would spell trouble for the 101 -year-old who once crossed the San Miguel River with an infinitesimal, strap-on beanie turbine windmill hat in 2011.
“That was a close call,” explained Toole, reaching out to us all from his doublewide overlooking the glaciers of Tierra del Fuego. “I didn’t have the proper torque but a tail wind came up and glided me to the other bank. Damn good thing my team had the big girl pantyhose stretched across the park’s cavity notch.”
Later in 1983 Toole successfully negotiated a crash landing onto Pea Green Grange Hall wearing nothing but high-top Gene Taylors and a parachute. Sadly, the ripcord failed at the last minute and the aviator landed in an organic onion field plot just inches from his target.
The Department if the Interior, which has sanctioned the event, will be selling tickets. An assortment of elk cheeses and prairie dog sausage, as well as a glass of sagebrush wine are included with admission price.
This could be the last major jump by Toole but, according to supporters, if he makes it across without incident he may try going back the other direction in 2021.
– Dolores Alegria
Trump claims great grandfather was a famous Confederate general.
Donald Trump’s boast that one of his ancestors was a decorated Confederate general has been playing well south of the Mason-Dixon Line.
The relative he claims must be from his mother’s side, a foggy genetic pool with a severely psychotic and combative DNA running through the bloodline. It’s not easy to trace much less isolate the alleged military man. Wartime deeds were not always recorded properly. Accounts were askew. Documentation was lax. Testimonials were incomplete. Even surnames are difficult to establish after 150 years. Perfect.
Donald Trump’s paternal ancestry is traceable to Bobenheim am Berg, a village in the Palatinate, Germany, in the 18th century. Great-grandfather Johann Trump, born in Bobenheim in 1789, moved to the nearby village of Kallstadt where his grandson, Friedrich Trump, the grandfather of Donald Trump, was born in 1869.
So this “great warrior festooned with a chest of medals,” to quote Trump; this hereditary phantom must have belonged on his mother’s side of the family. Since woman were relegated to domestic duties and childbearing they would most likely not been chronicled efficiently and memorably…Yes, most definitely he must have been talking about his mother’s side.
Given the sordid history of family, the assertion comes as little surprise. But even when applying an ultra-liberal math/generational factor of minus 30 (All becoming parents at 30 years-old, his mother would have been born in 1918 while his grandfather Terrence Kaiser Trump would have hatched in 1888. Employing the same ratio, his great-grandfather, Wilhelm Rolf Trump, would have been born in 1858. Had Wilhelm achieved the rank of general even in the threadbare Confederate Army of 1865* he would have been 7-years-old making him the youngest general on both sides of the American Civil War
“I’m quite astonished that he did not carry this one step further and put himself up there on this fabricated general’s horse,” said Susie Compost, of the Failed Nation. “It all seems quite preposterous kind of like advising people to drink beach to combat the Corona Virus.
When pressed on this issue Trump called on reporters to do their homework and stop trying to discredit him.
– Gabby Haze
