All Entries Tagged With: "heaven and Hell plan prisoner swap"

Heaven and Hell Close to Prisoner Exchange

(Purgatory) Eternal powers, Paradise and Hades, have released a preliminary announcement detailing a likely prisoner exchange slated for November. The swap, taking most celestial watchdogs by surprise, is the first arrangement of this type in 1200 years.

On the heels of an announcement, heavenly players insist that some souls were mistakenly sent to hell and should not spend eternity there. Sources in hell, reluctant to release anyone enrolled in day labor or engaged in plea bargains, were mute on any specific developments saying only “something is in the wind”.

What heaven will do with a cult of once-indicted sinners and what hell might project as the future of former empyreal beings is not clear according to persons familiar with these events. Already “transfer souls” are bivouacked near the welcome stations of both afterlife precincts. Traditionalists call the reputed move cult-driven and question how the souls could be traded since they are invisible and often not responsive to earthly prodding.

“Deporting souls once accepted at the Pearly Gates will not go over well,” said one theologian. “Just when you thought you had it knocked they tell you you’re going downstairs. Frankly I am surprised that there has not been much resistance in heaven considering the desperate state of affairs. Maybe they don’t believe it will culminate in a realignment at all.”

The last night in hell should be a knock down, drag out celebration for the damned who are headed for an eternity of peace and joy. The effected  souls will have little time to readjust to the realities of both eternal destinations say proponents of the exchange. Hell has it’s high points and Heaven is no picnic. No, angels on both sides of the barricades will not be part of the controversial swap.

“Talk about being stuck in Limbo…I guess it’s either puffy clouds or pitchforks?”, said one consecrated source.

-Fred Zeppelin