All Entries Tagged With: "food"
BLACK CANYON PAINTING GETS THUMBS DOWN
(Bostwick Park) A Department of Interior plan for the painting of the Black Canyon has been abandoned as of this morning. The overhaul had called for extensive scraping and painting over the winter.
“They weren’t even gonna prime the thing,” said one local painter, “and the colors didn’t match up.”
Rumors indicate that the USFS intended to paint the canyon in greenie green, a shade preferred by feds everywhere. Already the fall budget called for $1.2 million to be spent on paint and another $100,000 on drop cloths.
“We had already lined up ladders, brushes and rollers,” said one proponent of the ordeal. “Sure, the project came in at cost plus but what do we care, it’s not our money. Waste would have been minimal or at least tough to detect since paint spilled into the river would have been in Delta by noon the next day.”
Budgetary considerations had been established so as to assure the continued annual flow of tax money in years to come.
“If we could have pulled this one off we could have secured funding to rewire Grand Mesa next summer and plumb the San Juans in 2001. Not since campground trash pickup coordinates were established in the Fifties have I seen a program with such potential. Sure, we’d have to relocate some of the more disruptive wildlife and change the curtains but that falls under the jurisdiction of land management. I don’t know why the public can’t mind it’s own business. Even the blueprints were the right color.”
– Jack Spratt
Paisas on the Bench
Afternoon brings out the best in Antioquia
Concern over missile tests “unfounded” say Chinese
(Shanghai) Chinese officials are downplaying recent missile tests, saying they were aimed only at old weather satellites and did not threaten the spirit of cooperation between their country and the rest of the world. Despite protests from a slew of nations concerns remain as to military modernization and China’s intentions in space.
One top-level government official here told The Horseshoe that the missiles, which look a lot like egg rolls are in fact, only egg rolls.
“They are the same egg rolls that we send to the United States as part of the trade deficit,” said one official. “How we project them is our business.”
A recently snapped infra-red photo may reveal an assortment of North Korean missiles, which the Chinese say are only egg rolls. Above we view a group of men condemned for drawing mustaches on Mao posters and scalping NBA tickets. Normally the men would be deported but there’s no place to send them. (Photo by Thumbellina Etchabarron)
U.S. Intelligence head, John “Half” Pint disagrees.
“We are gravely concerned about ground-based ballistic missiles that could be used against us. This latest episode is vital to our interests not to mention the debris fields it creates in space,” he warned. “however we will most likely do nothing about it since we are busy with Iran, Iraq, Somalia, North Korea and the Mexican border.”
Pint did not allude to China’s current coziness with the Philippines or the Coronavirus chaos.
In another developing story, Iran has announced that it will pursue its solar energy program despite weak-kneed United Nations’ opposition. The Trump Administration, a strong opponent of solar energy since it can not as yet be sold for profit, has demanded that Iran cease all experiments.
“You have solar…why can’t we? say Iranian officials.
More moderate voices in the U.S. suggest that we stay out of Persian affairs and let the coming rejection of the Mullahs take its normal course.
“We cannot afford to give the current leaders a common enemy and ally political factions against us,” said a newly elected Democrat, who preferred anonymity until tomorrow’s opinion polls come out.
Snow in Vietnam
Does it sometimes snow in Sapa?
Health and Stealth
with Melvin Toolstoy
Broken hearts not considered a pre-existing condition
In a blow to rejected lovers the House today voted in favor of the insurance cartel saying that lost love does not constitute a threat to life and therefore is not automatically included in basic medical or surgical treatment on most policies.
In addition, broken hearts could not be classified as a pre-existing condition but that persons with multiple love calamities and worn track records could still be denied coverage.
“This decision heavily favors those who embrace monogamy or who have not yet met the right person,” said Doctor Simon Lackluster of the Mao Clinic. “People who are not in touch with their libidos should not have to worry about emergency room etiquette and are free to seek treatment in more progressive cultures where medicine does not have a steep price tag.”
The announcement said nothing of exorbitant prescription costs and the absence of the Hippocratic Oath on medical balance sheets in the United States.
Any procedures compliant with freethinking and alternative care are not covered under Medifaire. Instead white tipped canes will be handed out to those blinded by emotion.
Executive insurance policies still promise “You can take it with you even though that has yet to be confirmed by anyone in a position of authority.
