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China To Send Plumbers

(Canton) As part of an innovative foreign policy exchange the People’s Republic of Chain has agreed to send some 500 plumbers to the United States in return for assorted data software projectiles and vegan space technology.

     The plumbers, none of whom speak English, are expected to arrive in Colorado first in a pilot program and then spread out to other parts of the country before the holidays. According to organizers of the swap the plumbers are needed here since it is impossible to arrange for these important and traditional services locally.

     “Plumbers here are far too busy with the boom to service the average Joe,” said Myrna Flo, of the Snake Department. “These Chinese plumbers are hungry for work and will even crawl under existing structures and, in emergency situations, even show up on Sunday. The data we are exchanging is three years old and not worth all that much to us. It’s clear we’re getting the best of the deal.”

     China has recently been building bridges and basic infrastructure in Southeast Asia as part of a friendly neighbor approach to diplomacy while the U.S. has continued to bully allies and opponents alike, invading countries, tampering in elections and breaking treaties.

     “We’re spending a boatload of cash to get nowhere while the Chinese are making friends all over the world,” said Flo. “Maybe it’s time we reevaluate our economic strategy.”

     At the height of the exchange the US expects to see some 1000 Chinese plumbers in the country legally. Backlogs suggest that they will be here for quite some time and can apply for citizenship since they perform tasks related to national security. Although not particularly known for plumbing prowess the Chinese are seen as hard workers anxious to make a dollar.

     “We don’t think the language barrier will be insurmountable despite the fact that only 11 people in Western Colorado speak or write Chinese,” added Flowe. “What’s important is that general plumbing standards in this country do not dip below what is accepted as developed and that frozen pipes are attended to within 24 hours.”

     The Chinese specialize in space module plumbing and computerized septic systems which has critics worried for the future. Most have never seen a functioning commode.

     “These Asian philosophies have yet to be accredited and the theories behind Chinese plumbing are mere postulates at this point. To hell with the trade deficit. We’re not giving away the farm here,” said Flo, “since most of that acreage has already been sold off for subdivisions and shopping malls.”

– Kashmir Horseshoe