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Congress Cuts Space Budget, Strands Astronauts

(Warshington) In the latest bout of partisan politics the United States Congress today cut spending on NASA and other space programs, many that have been in existence since the Kennedy years. The cuts came abruptly and as much of a surprise to insiders here in the nation’s capital.

     Unlike other budgetary considerations, this move is effective immediately and sadly leaves at least 7 astronauts floating around in outer space. The funds, earmarked to return the space travelers to earth in the next 15 days, are no longer in the coffer and therefore cannot be used to bring them home.

     The legislation comes as a shock to many Democrats who insist the fault herein lies with the Republicans. Members of the GOP blame the demise of the program on tax and spend Democrats who they say can’t stop writing checks.

     The Pentagon budget and criminal tax breaks for corporate giants are not affected by the cuts.

     Informed of the development, several astronauts expressed concern but agreed that they would be grounded sooner or later.

     “We have enough chemical food and oxygen to last two more weeks,” said Aurora B. Alice, one of the first female astronaut pioneers to orbit the earth back in 1979. “I know how these lawmakers look at ground level but they look even sillier and sometimes sinister, from up here.”

     Critics say the Congress is desperate to make changes and that the entire body seems disoriented. Many of the members on both sides of the aisle have taken to talking to themselves and exhibiting forgetfulness on a grand scale. One Republican Senator from Alabama could not remember where to meet his limo while a Democrat from Vermont could not remember the names of his servants. Another has been giving away gifts from lobbyists.

     Maybe we could take the money out of Social Security and Medicare,” suggested rookie astronaut Melvin Toolski, even though it doesn’t belong to us. Or maybe we could lower minimum wage. I for one am tired of giving it all away to the poor. What do they contribute?” he asked.

     Meanwhile the United States Air Force, which reported a hefty surplus in 2012, has offered to rescue the astronauts. 

     “It was either NASA or NPR,” said one Republican Representative from Ohio. “So we don’t want to hear lot of whining from the liberals.”

– Alfalfa Romeo