Spring Dining Guide

MO’S TOWN SOUL FOOD CAFE, “Where we turn over the tablecloth for you,” (3763 Indian Massacre Blvd. Wimpton). Mo has been around since they built the Riverside Snowshed and she’s been feeding people even longer than that. The pre-Mon-troid, omni-cuisine includes Franco-American Spaghetti, frozen TV dinners, assorted frozen pot pies, bologna sandwiches and fish sticks. Why eat at home when you can dine out? Try Mo’s- “Where the Can is King!”
THE KENNEL LOUNGE, (Sapinero Center). How about Birdseed Etouffe or Turtle on the Half Shell? It’s all here! Kibble Quiche, Bones Rockefeller or Magpie Pie. All entrees served in a dirty dish out on the back stairs. Reservations discarded.
NAUTILUS STEAKHOUSE, (Ophir Loop North, two blocks from the dump). Finally someone has combined the fitness rage with the eating obsession. After a brief orientation, diners find themselves inhaling pepperoni pizzas during sit-ups as well as baked potatoes and 1/2 chicken during aerobics. Pot boys in muscle hats, too! Developed by Dr. Efram Pennywhistle, author of “Feel Good Fat,” which is on sale in the lobby. Get “The Doc” to autograph your copy. He’s probably in the bar.
CHATEAU MARMOT, Redstone. Ribs by the truckload. All you can eat by the hour, day, week or month. Three corpse meals from $6.50. Omelets so tasty you’d never know they use powdered eggs. Prime Squid is just $11, while New York Snake goes for $9.95. “Bodacious vittles” says Omar Whelp of “Popular Mechanics.” “Plenty of empty tables,” says Sue Croppy of “Woodworker’s Anonymous.” Closed February.
NICK’S ASBESTOS LOUNGE, Ridgway. “Give them two or three stiff drinks and they won’t criticize the food.”- Nick Pelaruskas. Specializing in entrees that begin with the misplaced “E”. Eggrolls, eclairs, escargot, enchiladas and eel are some examples. 40 percent gratuity required with groups of more than one. “ Dirtiest kitchen in the San Juans.”- Health inspector.
OUR PROMISE TO YOU: IF YOU CAN STILL EAT AFTER READING THIS NEWSPAPER WE’LL BUY YOUR DINNER AT ONE OF THE RESTAURANTS LISTED ABOVE. (Offer good through April, 2014.)