New Bank Coming to Ouray

The First Snow Bank of Ouray will celebrate its grand opening in late February. Representing what is believed to be the only fiscal institution in the nation to measure deposits and withdrawals in snow, the new venture marks pointed innovation in the industry.

“With the dollar on a roller coaster ride we feel that our time has come,” said Albert Coine, President of operations here. “We have snow. It’s a natural resource. Let’s make it work for everyone, especially us.”

Depositors are encouraged to bring in their snow in any quantity, from snowballs to avalanche. Yellow snow is not acceptable while C-Dot trucks and snowplows are asked to use the drive-up facility.

Once salted away the snow will be classified as to water content, with wet spring snow possessing more value. Hail and ice have no place in this arrangement. Man-made snow cannot be accepted.

“We expect to pay interest in icicles which can be stored in our frozen safety boxes until the time that the customer needs them. In the meantime we will make loans to often snow-deprived, certainly less fortunate communities such as Montrose and Delta,” said Coine.

Local merchants say winter may end up being the “profit” season instead of the more traditional summer months.

“In the spring only the people with cold storage capacity will retain their earnings. Our customers will be solvent while the rest of the populace watch their savings dissolve and melt just like they do when the dollar takes a dump.”                                                               – Gabby Haze

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