Montrose Teacher Signs for $1.2 Million

(Oak Grove) Muriel Armbruster, a third-grade math teacher here has signed a contract with the local school board for over one million dollars in salary and incentives according to a press release received this morning.

Armbruster who also coaches polo and heads up the Future Wool Growers of America chapter, was reportedly astounded at the offer.

“Her hands were shaking so much that she could barely write her name on the dotted line,” said a friend and co-worker who herself becomes a free agent at the end of the summer.

It was not known if this agreement institutes a turn-around in teacher salaries. Up till now most teachers are paid well below the national average while administrators take home a hefty paycheck.

“Maybe we’ll live long enough to see professional athletes take major pay cuts,” said Armbruster, who was grading papers at the time of the announcement.

“I feel so good I think I’ll give everyone an A on this assignment and then take the class downtown for ice cream.”

– Kashmir Horseshoe