Drive-In Reunion Slated for September 30

(Montrose) An action-packed reunion for people who lost their virginity at Mable’s Drive-In Theater between the years 1966 to 1976 is scheduled for September 30. According to organizers, throngs of “alumni” are expected.

     “We had taken every precaution to protect the privacy and reputation of our past customers,” said Mabel Schwartz, who operated the theater single-handedly between bad marriages and a stint at Canon City, from 1966 through 1996.

     “There’s not a spot left on our lot,” she said. All the seats are reserved.”

     The site of the former drive-in theater, on South Townsend where the Super Wal-Mart now stands, is virtually unrecognizable. RVs will receive special consideration. No proof of sexual status will be necessary.

     “We don’t expect people anyone to misrepresent themselves here,” continued our source. “Why would they? We’re operating on the honor system.”

     Costumes are encouraged and an array of cheap alcohol will be available under the counter. The films on tap have yet to be announced in that nobody really cared or cares what they might be in keeping with tradition.

     “We’re expecting to see a lot of 50s and 60s Chevys and Fords and maybe a Dodge or two,” smiled Mabel, who hopes to clean up on hot dog  and popcorn sales during the melee that will certainly follow.

     Maps to Mabel’s are available at all your favorite chains and at the chamber of comments. Sorry but no senior discounttickets will be accepted during the event.

– Portofino O’Toole