Dr. Whispbottom Promoted

(Montrose) Dr. J. Entrails Whispbottom, of the Nucla Whispbottoms, was promoted to chief surgeon at St Roscoe’s Memorial Hospital here. The speedy action ensued after hospital executives discovered that outgoing surgical boss Marvin DelFisher had never finished high school. His only real medical experience came in 1954 when he successfully pulled a three-penny nail out of his younger brother Earl’s forehead.

“He dressed and acted just like a doctor,” said one hospital source, “and nobody bothered to check any further.”

DelFisher had been working a second job as house detective at the Montrose Police Department and was having trouble staying awake during tedious surgical procedures.

Whispbottom vaulted to celebrity status after the release of his thesis which expels myths as to the relationship between alcohol intake and diaper rash. His Postulate PP shattered previous conjecture that the irritation was a consequence of punitive measures introduced during the Spanish Inquisition.

“If this is the way Queen Victoria treats her convicts she doesn’t deserve to have any.” – Oscar Wilde, while standing in chains in the rain waiting deportation to a London prison for a host of sexual deviations.

“Mamas don’t let your cowboys grow up to be babies.”  

– Slim Tinkleholland