DOW puts foot down on illicit chocolate moose farms

(Poughkeepsie Gulch)  “They’re f—ing endangered. Doesn’t anyone care?” asked stern lexicons in the powerful canine sphere. 

Apparently someone does. The Colorado Division of Wildlife today forcibly shut down over 45 chocolate mousse ranches and banned the practice until a formal inquest can be arranged for early in 2024.

Culinary stalwarts such as Soupcon, Palisades and Stone House have quickly complied, dropping the controversial and perishable delicacies from their chalkboards, leaving a few black marketeers peddling the wares in alleys and backstreets despite an increased presence of nutrition police and dietitians. 

The mousse has been replaced with flan or complimentary dulce de leche in most cutting edge eateries. 

Some months ago the story broke in the San Juan Horseshoe. The paper, recently in hot water with several other state agencies, called for the end of of what it called wildlife desserts. 

“Those surreptitious scribes are just trying to avert negative attention,” said one mickey mousse chef, “by reporting on such digestive developments, and now we have the humane society on our arses,” she said. 

The Horseshoe, now primarily a website, has been fined for overwatering press releases, attributing summary quotes to herd animals, systematizing the bullying of advertisers, and legitimizing trite, ignorant puns.

-Fred Zeppelin

“Lest we forget: Benito started as a journalist.”        – Luigi Atonini