Congress Sponsors Dodge Ball Team

(Bethesda MD) The United States Congress will soon be dodging more than the issues with the creation of the Capitol Idea, an amateur dodge ball team. The squad will compete against other government agencies this summer while they are out campaigning for reelection. Citing popularity of the sport and the relative expense of fielding a team the Senate and the House of Representatives will participate as one unit.
A recent vote in the Senate, which unanimously approved a plan to pay the governing body minimum wage until the economy has fully recovered, may require that lawmakers travel to out-of-town games on the bus rather than in private jets.
Most other competitive agencies will follow the prescribed One Man – One Eight-cylinder Pickup approach to transport, with the Central Intelligence team relying solely on mental telepathy to reach the playing fields. Homeland Security will not field a team since the entire contingent is out digging trenches around the White House. Shadow government entities, which have been engaged in the sport for decades, will drop the clandestine pretense and form a league playing solely night contests.
“Dodging balls is better than dodging bullets,” said one Congressman, who has been opposed to further military action unless it is in the nation’s corporative best interest or creates more jobs among his constituency.
“Hopefully we can get around to officially designating our policy after lunch,” he said.

– Carl LaFong