All Entries in the "Lifestyles at Risk" Category
Cheney Jet Down Over Iraq
A personal jet, registered to Richard “Dick” Cheney has reportedly crashed near Mosul, Iraq this morning. Although no final announcement has been released as to the status of passengers, evidence suggests there may have been survivors.
Cheney and many of his cronies are wanted for war crimes due to Operation Iraqi Freedom and other smoking gun actions taken against the Iraqi people and many other suspects (anyone caught hanging around that looked Arabic) in the shadows of 9/11.
The Iraqi government has yet to respond to demands from the Trump White House that any Americans who survived the descent should be repatriated. Insiders say that Cheney and others could be held and prosecuted as war criminals. *
Iraq, and entire Mideast was dangerously destabilized by bombings (2003) and occupation by coalition troops (2003-2011) during the war for oil.
Collateral damages include one million Iraqis who died due to the pre-emptive strikes and the violence that followed.
Area near where the Cheney plane went down last night
It was not known why the Cheney entourage had returned to Iraqi flight space or what they might have been looking for on the ground.
“Perhaps they left a few barrels of oil or a box of ancient Mesopotamian artifacts worth plenty on the black market,” chided one opponent of the 2003 excursion.
Records show that the then Vice President profited greatly through his association with Halliburton, a firm he ran before joining the Bush ticket in 2000. Contractors reaped an estimated 138-billon dollars according to major media sources.
It was not immediately clear if other members of that former Bush Administration or if Cheney’s lovely daughter Liz were onboard at the time of the crash.
One insurgent group in Iraq has offered the safe return of all the Americans in trade for the sovereignty of the state of Wyoming that is held sacred by both Sunni and Shia Muslims. Pro-Israel voices in the Senate say they intend to create a Palestinian Homeland in that sparsely populated locality.
– Tommy Middlefinger
*In what is the first ever conviction of its kind anywhere in the world, the former US President and seven key members of his administration were… found guilty of war crimes. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and their legal advisers Alberto Gonzales, David Addington, William Haynes, Jay Bybee and John Yoo were tried in absentia in Malaysia…At the end of the week-long hearing, the five-panel tribunal unanimously delivered guilty verdicts against Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and their key legal advisors who were all convicted as war criminals for torture and cruel, inhumane and degrading treatment. A full transcript of the charges, witness statements and other relevant material was then sent to the Chief Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court, as well as the United Nations and the Security Council.
Irish-Danes Demand Seat on Security Council
(Queens) The recently recognized, DNA-legitimate ethnic group, the Irish-Danes contends it will not rest until it has secured a seat on the United Nations Security Council.
Threatening to return to the bloodthirsty days of all out pillage, plunder and piracy on the Irish and English coasts, the terrifying warriors affirmed that they are ready to take their place at the world’s banquet table or die trying.
“We will feast in New York or Valhalla,” said Thorgeson Brian McGinty, king of those that go a- viking with a terrifying trademark: Warriors wear nothing but a sword, shield and footwear, red hair flying, balls to the wall.
These fierce and able madmen (products of centuries of mutual cavorting on rainy nights in Ireland) are generally quite the spectacle, drawing throngs of adoring women to the shore. Historically, other eye witnesses were few and far between since most had fled to the interior at the first sign of the swift dragon ships on the horizon.
“It’s all up to the delegates,” said McGinty. “We can sit quietly and play with our ties like the others or go a-viking. Either way we will have our fun.”
Wooden ships, the long preferred transport of the hearty brigands, have clogged up both the Hudson and the East Rivers since Tuesday, bringing river traffic to a virtual standstill. These Celtic Norsemen have fleeced a fleet of beer trucks and broken a plethora of noise ordinances but police are wary of approaching them.
One police officer told a tale of depravity and deplorable merrymaking saying that the red-haired devils had absconded with several taxi cabs and were headed to the Hamptons for the weekend.
“They are insisting that we give them Brooklyn,” he said.
In a related piece the Dail Eireann today banned the use of the Irish language in that island country in hopes of revitalizing that ancient tongue.
“If we tell them it’s against the law to speak it they’ll all be studying up on it and a resurgence will follow. The pubs will soon be full to the brim with the beautiful chatter, said an uppity source from the lower house of the Irish legislature.
The British tried to destroy everything about the Irish culture in 700 years of occupation, including the application of genocide in the West, but that hasn’t worked out so well for them.
– Fred Zeppelin
Murphy’s Breath Welcomes Spring
Flora of Ireland Part IV
Murphy’s Breath
Beautiful Murphy’s Breath in full bloom along a roadside in West Cork. The flower gives off its most pungent fragrance in the morning and can be detected in many public houses throughout the day, often culminating with sagging leaves in the evening. halitosias murphysonium
Common name: Murphy’s Breath
Scientific name: Murph-glabr B.spectibilis
Family: Hopocataginaceae
Color of flower: red to purple
Blooming time: April and May in West Cork
Propagation: Hard wood-wetlands. Origin: Cork City
Used as small hedge, hair dye, dental floss, potted patio plants or simply to admire from afar. Stale odor is said to drive away potential mates as well as predators large and small, and to effectively knock bothersome sea gulls off local excrement carts (with apologies to the late George Carlin).
compiled by Lord Lucan Gombeen
Celtic Cross in Castletownsend
A large Celtic cross stands watch in the cemetery at St. Barrahane’s Church. Outside the views are magnificent while inside stained glass and a beautiful organ await the visitor. The acoustics are such that concerts are performed here during the summer.
Putin Jokes Flourish on Heels of Ukraine Election
(Moscow) Putin jokes continue to deluge the Russian capital following the election of former comedian, Volodymyr Zelensky to the presidency of Ukraine. With his popularity dropping, Russian strongman Vladimir Putin has become the laughing stock of many within a fed up populace.
Whether or not the two distinct phenomena are related is anyone’s guess. The two countries have been in a state of war ever since pro-Russian elements began military action in Ukraine and Russia occupied the Crimea.
Zelensky, a Jewish comedian, won the recent election in a landslide showing popularity with all Ukrainians including Russian speakers in the east of the nation. Whether this reflects a decrease in anti-semitism and fascism in the European nation has yet to be determined.
What is particularly amusing is that he played the role of Ukrainian President on television.
“On the surface it’s like Donald Trump winning the election in the US after his appearances on reality TV,” said one Kiev journalist, who left the comparison there. “But the oligarchs here are defecating 5 kopiyoks (Ukrainian nickels) at the thought of Zelensky taking the helm while the fat cats in the US flagrantly support Trump.”
The Putin jokes, a genre most of us do not associate with The Kremlin, are popping up everywhere overnight, like the cork in a bottle of vintage vodka. Many refer to the shape of his head while others speak of his gangster tactics and laugh at him for his ham-fisted bullying of opponents.
Sputnik News Service was quick to blame liberals in the West while some for Soviet potatoheads blame CIA. Here are a few of the better jokes:
1. If a bus with Vladimir Putin fell 800 feet from a cliff would anyone survive? Who cares?
2. If you go fishing with Putin how do you keep him from drinking all the vodka? Bring along Czar Nicholas, Vladimir Rasputin and Catherine the Great.
3. How many political prisoners does it change a Light bulb? Thousands, even though there may not be electricity today.
4. Trump and Putin walk into this bar. Trump asks Putin what to order. Putin says, “Just do what I do.”
As funny as these jokes have been in recent weeks the crime of telling one is an invitation to be poisoned or meet thugs in an alley.
How many ex-KGB thugs does it take to sabotage the chance of freedom in Ukraine? We will have to wait and see.
Administrative SNUFU Leaves Thousands Excommunicated
(Rome) A simple computer glitch has left tens of thousands of Roman Catholics in a bureaucratic purgatory this morning with little hope of sorting things out before the Easter holiday. As of this morning they remain excommunicated, or severed from their church.
Apparently someone high up in the Vatican gave the go ahead to delete over 70,000 of the faithful from what was wrongly designated as a “fallen away” list. The move has caused great confusion and anger leaving many with questions about eternal salvation and access to sacred rituals.
“We can’t explain what happened but we’ll sort it out before Holy Week gets into full swing,” said a Vatican treasury official. “Those affected should not worry. Despite the temporary status as the damned they will be reinstated quickly and painlessly.
Church officials publicly played down the possibility of enacting another Spanish Inquisition while privately expressing concern as to the impact on collections and tithing as many have lost trust in the ancient religious hierarchy.
“If we survived the sex scandals of late we’ll be alright,” said the Archbishop of Styx. “One has to realize how frightened people are of the Great Beyond. We simply need to remind them of the fires that await them if they dare to detour from our teachings. They will forgive us our sins as we forgive theirs,” he smiled.
– Saul Tarsus
