All Entries in the "Hard News" Category
MATH CORNER
Accepted Formula for one’s chances of being hit by bird shit at 8,000 feet. (pajaro de negro malo lo arrojar).
X – Y (ab+cd) = 41.7 @ka+ka x # foliage…{thinner air/@ cloud cover} x2Q = xy-/wind > vindictiveness/ per cubic foot. Sunlight available for targeting – Wind velocity + relative moisture = tropical inversion quotient.
Keep Moving + Under awning/strawhat [6 + 5 + 4] x square root of feathers and wings = plop/snowy white on my shoulder x {3<4.^ = 65.7} x water content + intent.
For more email us at www.damnsturdyumbrella.com
Punch lines of popular jokes
1. No. He thinks he’s Arnold Palmer.
2. How about taking that dog for a walk.
3. Shhhhhh. I’m waiting for him to land,
4. I wish all my friends were back.
5. You gotta put it in the front.
6. But do they call me Macgregor the Castle Builder? No!
Can you share the meat of the following jokes with us? Please include beginning, middle and semi-ending leading up to these punch lines. Win a herd of sheep or they could win you.
“Let them eat fake.”- Donald Antoinette
No Answers on Mass Destruction of Trump Properties
(Seoul) After the flattening of at least four gala Trump properties across the globe authorities are still combing ground zero sites searching for answers in the rubble. On the heels of these odd climate muggings, trusted weather experts now tell us that these environmental mutilations have been joined by three others: One in Mumbai (heat wave, drought, landslides): one in New Jersey (earthquake) and one here in Seoul, South Korea (volcanic eruption).
Here, like the other obliterations, the outbursts and rage limited their reach to the acreage and possessions of the Trump empire. No nearby buildings or facilities were touched. Magnetic fields, instinctive blowback or very bad karma are now in the limelight as the often-turbulent investigation continues. Rumors circulating the White House suggest that the president will fire his entire Cabinet in response to these dreadful occurrences.
Winter coloring contest
Yes, it’s the Uncompahgre Valley in late September. Can you color it white? Do so before the big snows hit and win a snow cat from the San Juan Horseshoe. Offer good with measurements over three feet accumulations. I myself am dreaming of a white Thanksgiving.
House Approves Daniels
(Warshington) A split House reluctantly approved the hotly contested nomination of Jack Daniels to the Supreme Quart this afternoon. Daniels, a longtime Trump supporter, has no experience in government, but has made millions in the whiskey distillation business in his native Tennessee.
Now that the dust has cleared, supporters admit that opponents all but put a cork in the proceedings. Many are said to have favored George Dickel, a country-western singer from Oklahoma.
Many House Republicans bucked partisan lines to reject the appointment on the grounds that Daniels is uneducated and inexperienced. Washington insiders say the real reason for the hesitation lies within public opinion polls… The more conservative, Bible Belt constituencies would not like the idea of a sour mash king sitting on the nation’s highest quart.
A corn-fed filibuster was avoided when concessions were made that iced the nomination. The final vote was 106-86 with a host of abstentions. The action will now head to the Senate where it is expected to receive quick approval due to the presence of an open bar and scantily clad servers in the Capitol. – Rocky Flats
“We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty.”
– Edward R. Murrow, Report on Senator Joseph McCarthy (March 7, 1954)
Warning to tourists and hunters:
“Be on the alert for sinkholes.” Manana County Sheriff warns tourists on sinkhole dangers – too much weight on land – Time to cry “uncle” on vagabond tourism? It could happen at any minute. Once you were there – Now you’re not. Have been known to eat up entire villages and wreck havoc on the landscape.
Meanwhile mean bear and mountain lion have taken to inhabit these sinkholes waiting to pounce on unsuspecting prey. If you see anything suspicious call a geologist immediately!
