All Entries in the "Featured Peeks" Category
SKIING DE NO EN LA BIBLIA DICE LAKE CITY MUJER
(Montrose – Rapto colas, Partituras y Horarios – 25 de septiembre de 2016)
El deporte del esquí no se menciona siquiera una vez en el judeo-cristiano Biblia dice un clérigo Lake City que a menudo desfila alrededor como la conciencia del condado de Hinsdale.
Según Freida markfore la Sagrada Escritura no hace referencia a esquiar y por lo tanto todo el modus operandi debe evitarse por el temeroso de Dios justo.
“Si el buen Dios quería que el hombre a deslizarse por las montañas que lo habría creado con bordes en sus pies y postes incluidos en el” paquete de principiante. “Él también habría hecho caer la nieve en la Tierra Santa”, reflexionó.
“Las puertas del Paraíso no se abrirán para una parada quitanieves o un giro telemark,” pronostica ella. “Y no se espera que las condiciones de nieve en el infierno para mejorar en la eternidad próximo.”
Markfore, que a veces se conoce con el alias de Luella Caquis, frunció el ceño cuando se sugirió que el esquí, asociada a estilos de vida nórdicos y quizás dioses vikingos no lo hizo jive con las actividades cotidianas de los semitas de Asia Menor.
“Yo no estoy hablando de no mineros,” ella replicó con vehemencia. “La mayoría de ellos están bien en su camino al infierno en una cesta de mano y ni siquiera lo saben.”
– Warren de Wexley
Don’t be last!
Serious public information poster by Jeff Brown, Real Alaska Magazine, Juneau
Is Montrose Ready for Roundabouts?
(Pomona, CO – Merry Go Merry Review – September 15, 2017)
County Commissioners, elected officials and other self-appointed public figures remain in closed-door session this evening, dissecting the jagged issue of further roundabout construction here.
Roundabouts, or traffic circles as they are called in some cultures, began appearing last winter and have duplicated themselves quite handily according to one local bus driver who prefers the circles to four-way stops or traffic lights.
“Many of our fellow motorists do not get the four-way thing,” she said. “Besides, the city has never achieved any consistency with traffic light synchronization which leads to congestion particularly in the southern chain zone and at major intersections. It’s almost like recent CDOT traffic pattern blueprints and ridiculous lane use programs were created on computers in Denver without site visitation.”
The driver, who requested anonymity, pointed to the merge south of town at Chipeta and Highway 550 as the biggest bugaboo calling the vehicle amalgamation “an accident waiting to happen.” She also suggested that the city could make better use of lanes at Main and Townsend.
“Minimal traffic flow goes straight on West Main compared to the number of persons attempting to turn left onto 550,” she mused. “Why not use that middle land as an optional lane where people could turn or go straight in conjunction with personal destinations. They do it in progressive cities and towns all over the country.”
Getting back to roundabouts, unreliable sources tell us that at least 5 more are planned for 2017. Although exact locations were not released, it is projected that most drivers will be going in circles soon. Multi-tiered bridges and overpasses, once considered as substitutes for by-passes, have been tabled until no one is looking anymore. The money saved on traffic lights and tin stop signs is considerable and will be used to buy more nuclear-age combat equipment for the local police force.
“Motorists are expected to negotiate the average roundabout in seconds, and certainly less than a minute,” said an unidentified source at the pinochle, euchre and bridge department. “The last thing we need is for drivers to continue to go round and around aimlessly for hours. Sadly, we had an elderly man spinning in circles for 48 hours last May. He was finally rescued and whisked off to the local Denny’s for bad coffee and light conversation. He responded quickly despite the powerful pharmaceuticals he takes twice a day, but remains shaken from the ordeal.”
When and if the above-referenced meeting is completed, officials here hope to achieve a firm understanding of urban planning and physics, two academic studies that have eluded “leaders” up until now.
“Our goal is to go to lunch,” said one Commissar. “After that we will field questions in the parking lot and then go home.”
One frightening option is the creation of two-story roundabouts aimed at further application of available space. Engineers insist it is doable while religious and spiritual leaders expressed doubt as to the feasibility of such edifices on local roads. They remain concerned that people will begin worshipping the edifices thus creating unfair competition for souls in the valley.
Meanwhile the Division of Wildlife is offering a six-week seminar Manipulation of Roundabouts in a Semi-Hostile Environment beginning with the first snow.
“We feel that this state agency has competent experience in dealing with feral nature of driving a car in the 21st Century,” said a councilman. “These folks deal with crabby bears and aggressive moose every day. Certainly they can ease the anxieties of motorists who are not at all comfortable with changes. Roundabout safety is our highest priority.
– Fred Zeppelin
Innovative Bait Appeals to Trout and Salmon
with Caspar Caster — September 13, 2016
One more cure for the empty hook syndrome is the thrill of watching fat fish fight over that will nail your offering. Many stubborn anglers continue to insist that fish are not picky and will eat just about anything if it is presented properly. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
A little preparation in the kitchen the night before an excursion to the water’s edge will net great rewards for the serious sportsman. NEVER hit the water with processed salmon eggs, night crawlers in Styrofoam or store-bought lures. It’s simple: If your bait is enticing the prey is more likely to end up on your barbecue. Here are some classic Caster Family Recipes guaranteed to delight the dorsal fins of any swimming creature of the Rockies.
Caspar Caspar with Giant Three-toed Marmot companion
MY MOM’S SUCKER CURRIE INDIENNE
Everyone knows the proud mackinaw is a sucker for sucker dishes. Combine equal parts of onion salt and curry powder with liberal ginger and conservative lemon juice. Roll in flour and fry in butter or olive oil, slowly adding chicken broth. Stick hook into the prepared sucker and hold onto your hat.
AUNT FRANK’S ORGANIC SALMON EGGS IN BEARNICE SAUCE
Even the rookie angler can find success in this delicious diversion from the bland diet of seaweed and smaller fish. Your catch will rave about this presentation all the way to the frying pan or grill. Simply heat one teaspoon of tarragon vinegar with red pepper slices, add one pinch of salt and another of paprika. Slowly add organic salmon egg yolks, putting the whites aside. Exercise extreme caution when baiting the hook. These bastards can be quite slippery.
CASTER CLAN WORMS AND ONIONS
Slice onions lengthwise to resemble white or yellow worms. Roll all in brown sugar and cornmeal then fry until stiff. Garnish with mint or fresh berries. Northern Pike can’t get enough!
For additional fish recipes that work every time send $10 to Casper Caster’s Colorado Beachcomber c/o this website.
New Corporate Offices of Horseshoe
Late afternoon sunny photo by Delinda Austin
Opioid Epidemic Downplayed by Coalition General
(Kabul Green Zone — Chasing the Dragon — August 27, 2016)
General Worthington Bulbous, a man who has issued orders from the safety of the rear in more than seventeen battle theaters says the rise in heroin use in the United States has nothing to do with Afghanistan.
It can be argued that the lengthy military involvement in the world’s leading producer of poppies has allowed more of the drug to enter Western markets. Once in these countries it is processed en masse creating easy acquisition and consumption among younger persons.
“That’s balderdash!” says Bulbous. “Our security forces examine everything going in and out of the war zone. Just because there are occasional sums of money unaccounted for and weapons that we can’t quite tally doesn’t mean we’re running a colander operation as our critics maintain.”
Bulbous refuses to consider the easy access to the drug in Afghanistan and the easily manipulated established air and sea routes preferred by CIA personnel, top military brass and the diplomatic corps. None of these groups is subject to search coming or going.
“Our people are not drug smugglers,” he glared. “It’s probably the Taliban and their supporters in the United States. “There is absolutely no one engaged in the smuggling of opium or heroin into the United States from Afghanistan on my watch. You have my word on it.”
Bulbous refused to comment when asked about the CIA operation that brought heroin by the truckloads into Vietnam during the 70s as part of a deal with several powerful mountain tribes up around the Golden Triangle. According to sparse reports Air America flew heavy cargos of quality heroin into Vietnam and Laos in return for military compromises and manpower support on the part of growers.
This and most other clandestine operations have been repeatedly denied by a host of puppet governments in Asia and in Washington.
– Pepper Salte
