All Entries in the "Featured Peeks" Category
Yet another delightful Irish village
Castletownsend in West Cork is quietly tucked away near the sea and the green
Feds to undress cartoon exploitation
In an attempt to relieve the ongoing exploitation of cartoon characters in this country Congress has approved a bill that would house victims and punish perpetrators.
Over the years the relationship between cartoons and people has deteriorated with even famous cartoon greats feeling disillusioned and without hope. It is feared that without protection many will follow the all too familiar path into the gutter or escape through animated drugs and alcohol. Bad treatment comes not only from humans but, as often the case, from other cartoons as well.
Personalities such as Wiley Coyote, Elmer Fudd and even Donald Duck were cited as classic casualties of such immoral practices. One lawmaker added (to paraphrase) that less notable cartoons are duped daily with many playing the part of fall guy to humans who, in most cases, are less than their intellectual equals.
“What happens in our existing system should make us all ashamed,” said Anne I. Mate, a longtime advocate for cartoon rights.
“Cartoons are expected to work long hours in wretched conditions without pay. On some sets the characters don’t even get a lunch break or a glass of water when they are thirsty. Something must be done and done right now.”
Mate added that civilized nations have laws already in place to protect cartoons from manipulation by the corporate structure. In France, for instance, it is illegal to work cartoons more than 40 hours per week while in Germany and Switzerland employers must provide housing and a clothing stipend for any legal cartoon. In New Zealand cartoon characters appearing on Saturday morning prime time must be given Sunday and Monday off so as to recuperate.
“These benefits are only fair, especially when one considers the often dangerous working conditions faced by the average animated performer,” said Mate. “Many cartoons fall off cliffs, are hit with flying objects and are blown to pieces with dynamite or other explosives. Let’s face it: These characters deserve just compensation at least for surviving loved ones.”
Mate went on to say that if the situation is not remedied we may see shortages of cartoons in the future and that many will seek employment in other areas such as real estate, massage therapy and government.
Whether or not the new legislation would affect the status of television news personnel was not clear at press time.
– Kashmir Horseshoe
“I have wielded a blood-stained sword and howling spear. The bird of carrion followed me when the Vikings pressed forth.” – from Fin Gall by James Nelson.
Fishing boat Castletownbere, West Cork
Flounder, pollack, mackerel, hake, garfish, scallops, crab, lobster, mussels, bass and clams—all fresh and on the table moments after the fishermen come in.
PGA Bombshell: Robots Play On The Tour
Jacksonville – The PGA Tour has finally come clean on the matter of AI Robots playing in Tour events.
Tour spokesperson, P.R. Imalion, when pressed by reporters in a pre-Players Championship press conference, admitted to the group that, yes, in fact there are three tours players who are not human, but rather humanoid and whose mental capacity is based on Artificial Intelligence.
The questioning came as a result of swing analysis aired on the Golf Channel showing the remarkably consistent mechanics of some of the tour players. The show’s guest had made a remark that the swings were almost robotic in grace and repeatability.
“I think that these players have swings that are so repeatable and precise that it reminds me of the precision found in computer generated tooling,” proclaimed former tour player Nick Diamond.
There was also the incident where an event sponsor suffered two broken bones in his hand during a handshake with Osaka Katatobe earlier in the season. The sponsor said it felt like he was shaking hands with King Kong.
The idea of robotic tour players has always been the subject of joking and speculation among the players and fans of Tour Golf. Now an official has said out loud that it is reality.
While admitting to their presence, the spokesperson was unwilling to name names, saying that to reveal their identity would be to compromise their privacy.
“We respect their right to be who they are. Since their presence is basically undetectable and they are functional and competitive members of the Tour, it would be wrong to ‘out’ them as some would call it,” the Tour spox said.
“Is Katatobe one of them?” an NBC anchor pressed the matter.
“I am sorry but I cannot comment on identities,” Imalion stood firm.
One reporter from a Sporting News asked if any of the ‘bots had won an event.
“First, it is demeaning to refer to them as ‘bots,” Imalion admonished the media folks. “I mean we are way past Iron Byron,” she said, referring to the mechanical club-swinging machine that has been used for decades to test golf balls and club shafts.
“These special people are just like you and me, except that they were not born and reared the way we were.”
Imalion then went on to the answer the question by saying that in two cases since the three began as regular players on the tour just over 18 months ago, two of the three have won an event, and one of those was a major.
The press tent erupted as the gathered media clan demanded, in a single voice, to know who the winners were. Imalion refused to release the name of the non-human Tour winners.
“Somebody had to build them and program them and set them up on the tour. Who was that?” prodded the Times Picayune scribe.
“The three came to us through the sports management company that owns them, and produced, or nurtured them,” she said.
“With the two who won events, who got the prize money?” the ESPN reporter asked while the rest of the room mumbled.
Imalion told the media folks that the funds were paid to the management company since they are responsible for the “players.”
“Which management company?” the Chicago Tribune writer demanded.
“I am not at liberty to say. If you want to know more I will have to have you talk to the Tour Director.
“You know that within ten minutes of us leaving this room we will know who they are and then we will find them. It’s what we do,” The Tribune writer glared at the Tour spokesman. “If you aren’t ready to tell us the whole story then why did you even open your mouth today?”
“I’m sorry that’s all we have time for today,” Imalion hurried off the podium and out the back door of the pressroom.
– Michael Cox
“Genius is never recognized while the subject is living. That’s why we endorse reincarnation.” – Gabby Haze.
Don’t Trust Anyone Under 90
(Pitkin) Melvin O’Toole moved here in 1896 from County Sligo, in the Republic of Ireland and has never left. He’s seen the changes and gone with the times. Up until 1966, he was still trading with Blue Mesa Utes and making his own sagebrush whiskey.
Since that trans-Atlantic journey he has never been as far away as Gunnison.
“In 112 years I have never seen the reason to go anywhere,” said O’Toole from his front porch hammock. “I don’t need anything.”
The last time the spry centenarian saw downtown Ohio City was back in the spring of 1896 on his initial (and only) trek up the valley to his present domicile. He doesn’t remember much about Parlin but recalls crossing the plains by train and getting knee-walking with Lebanese sheep shearers in White Pine.
“It’s hard to believe that during all those years the man never ventured into Gunnison,” said Dr Richard “Trinidad” Rimhorne, a history fellow at Tomichi Junior College. “I think he be a charlatan…a liar!
Another resident of Pitkin, Mary “Sorry” Moss, 99, says she doesn’t remember an O’Toole family but that there was a lumberjack staying up at the Tilford Aviary up until 1945.
“That could have been him but I can’t say for sure.”
Moss told the Horseshoe that she had been to Gunnison 7 times since 1907, sometimes for supplies and sometimes “just for fun”.
“I’ll keep an eye out for him around town now that I know you’re looking for him,” she chirped.
A host of Gunnison merchants have offered incentives and prizes if O’Toole will only set foot within the city limits for an afternoon. Apparently some feel that the Pitkin man’s saga could generate negative publicity as to the desirability of Gunnison as a destination.
“There’s nothing the matter with Gunnison,” chimed Moss. “I like it far better than Vulcan.”
When asked if he would take the loot, O’Toole suggested that his benefactors might deliver.
“I’ll have to think about this one,” he frowned. “How long do I have to answer?”
O’Toole’s premier CD, “I’m Leavin’ Town” is due out in June.
– Suzie Compost
To Commemorate the Easter Rising, 1916
Peace in Ireland. No hard border!
