Avalanche of Red Tape Closes Pass

(Silverton) The Riverside Snow Shed and segments of highway along Ruby Wall continue to be blocked by massive red tape. Often a symptom of later spring melting and refreezing conditions, the bureaucratic slides have arrived early this year.

Although the exact data remains buried, state officials think the slide “happened in the middle of the night when nobody was watching”.

Instability of this genre is most likely to occur in the spring, especially when the state legislature is in session.

Several local agencies have quickly denied involvement, going to impressive lengths to distance themselves from responsibility only to discover that the avalanche would be classified as a natural disaster, a status that does not demand accountability.

Meanwhile all snowplows, front-end loaders, honey buckets and snow blowers have been summoned to expedite the removal of the red tape. Dung beetles are on standby.

“You thin snow freezes hard? Try red tape,” said one specialist on the scene. “Red tape is, by design, almost impossible to cut through. I just hope we get to blast. Dynamite is far more fun than a pick ax.”

Governor Hickenlooper, when asked to comment on the affect of the roadclosure from his desk in Denver said: “Where?”                                                                                                   – Kashmir Horseshoe