Anti-Solar Demonstrations Rock New York

(Manhattan-Ridgway, CO September 25, 2014) An estimated 200 demonstrators blocked traffic and upset rush hour in Manhattan and Brooklyn today advocating the construction of more nuclear plants and condemning further government research in the field of solar and wind generated energy.
The crowd, a mixture of tattooed businessmen and blue-collar professionals blended with all night disc jockeys union and an assortment of neighborhood toughs looking for someone to stomp.
The philistine assemblage soon began throwing rocks at the sun and shouting, “No Rays!”
Insiders blame the disturbance on poorly informed Fox News personnel who have continually warned that the adoption of solar energy will kill jobs while building coal-generated nuclear power plants is good for the economy.
Actually the reverse is true,” said sociologist studying the behavior of mobs. “Today there are more than twice as many people employed in the solar industry than in the coalfields.”
“Damn the facts,” said one angry believer. “Those solar types would have you believing that the sun is free.”
Citing dangers in solar expansion such as sunburn and an overabundance of chlorophyll, the demonstrators jeered at anyone who did not visibly support them. One angry demonstrator challenged his adversaries to explain what they intended to do with potentially hazardous solar waste materials.
Some statements just don’t deserve a response, no matter how juvenile it might be,” said a four collector solar enthusiast from Connecticut.
An entertainment venue, aimed at drawing supporters from the commuter throng, completely missed its mark. Although the wildly popular Chase Manhattan String Band (“There Goes the Sun” and “You Aren’t My Sunshine”) swooned Union Square, a slim crowd was estimated to be no more than 20 people, and some of those may have been waiting for the uptown bus to the Bronx.
The situation threatened to turn violent as pro-solar militias began surrounding the hapless demonstrators, cut off from their fellows by more than improprieties. Suddenly a grueling late afternoon sun made its way across the wet, tepid sky driving participants, demonstrators, militias and bystanders into the shade for some relief from the heat.
Meanwhile in Ulster County two mounted loonies have reportedly been attacking windmills in some twisted solidarity with the whole affair.
– Estelle Marmotbreath