Glitzy Strip Seduces Casinos

(Colona) Three major casinos are currently negotiating the purchase of a strip of land on the border of Ouray and Montrose Counties. The corridor, dubbed Glitzy Strip, lies in neither county making it exempt from laws governing such recreative endeavors as gambling and whiskey making.

County officials fear the worst. The powerful gambling interests say they plan a tasteful development but can Colona maintain its distinct culture with the sounds of poker chips rattling and dice hitting the felt? Sure, some say it will help the economy but a majority questions the ability of the existing infrastructure to handle the impact.

“I don’t know if we can handle any more than 700 breakfasts in one morning,” flinched a waitress leaning on the good old days when Colona was a railroad town.

Ouray County planners sitting on both sides of the fence seem distracted by potential tax revenues from satellite businesses that they say will spring up. Ranching interests are firmly against the project saying that it’s hard enough to keep hired hands straight now without further distractions.

“I’ve got a good business already,” said one resident. “I didn’t move here to get rich. Western Colorado is a gamble enough without casinos.”

As of this morning Colona remains the only god-fearing community in the county with once-backwater Ridgway emulating Telluride and Ouray knee-deep in decadence.

– Suzy Compost