Turkeys Off Radar

(El Lay) The nation’s turkey population appears to have retreated underground, joining remnants of elk and several hundred defiant mini-Snickers candy bars. These last two groups remain in hiding even though these dangerous fall seasons have concluded.

Hunting season and Halloween, while popular with humans is often stressful and detrimental for herd creatures and chocolate coated victims. Thanksgiving, one dimensional and aimed right smack at foolish birds with a few hams thrown in, is clearly genocide according to poultry rights groups here.

Meanwhile Tom Avenue is empty, and generally off the grid while the often-vibrant turkey lounges on Giblet Alley are now dark and quiet.

Local liberals, guilty over the treatment of all three groups have attempted to coax the candy bars and elk from their redoubts but with limited success.

On a high note, Hibernation 2025 has been heralded a “breakthrough success” by the local chamber of commerce and several church groups. The popular autumn exercise has been a successful tribute to natural state of affairs in the anomal kingdom since before the cows came home.

“Despite unforgiving acoustics in most of your larger cave complexes the practice gains participants year after year,” said Ed Bare of the Colorado Wildlife Coalition.

-Fred Zeppelin