TRUMP CAMP UNPREPARED FOR OVERNIGHT BIVOAC

(Gulf of Mexico News Services) Trump Camp 2025, located at a secret somewhere in the Rocky Mountains, is reportedly without provisions, water, tents, matches, flashlights or dry firewood. The more than 100 billionaires guests may also be stranded at civilized locales due to transportation limits and poor GPS coordinates.

     Early this morning Elon Musk, Senior Advisor to the President, has come to the rescue with a fleet of abandoned Teslas and assorted spacecraft. He, according to aides, is promising regular milk runs to Mars to buy state-of-the-art camping accessories and made-in-America cows to cook on an over a pyrite grill on a synthetic fire.

     Musk plans to fire the Democrats in the House and Senate, blaming them for poor planning and shortages in the forest. When informed that they were elected officials and not gov’ment employees he smirked, “Not for long.”

     “We’re not mentioning anyone by name but certain South African oligarchs have always been the pill in the pound cake, said one of several immigrant caddies pressed into service for the the three-day event. Refusing to elaborate the outdoor steward suggested burning and eating cryptocurrency and drinking low-cal petroleum until rescued.

     White House staffers were quick to deny that the camping snafu had any connection to an announcement that First Lady Melania Trump has relocated to Nuuk, Greenland due to security concerns in the United States. Her long expected exit from the day to day doings of the Trump family has been in the headlines since her orange-haired husband’s Inauguration in January.

     Meanwhile Vice President J.D. Vance was  “shocked” by the move but did not respond to requests for verification Friday. He is remembered fondly for his unwelcome visit to Greenland last winter and especially for his bold ascertain that it was cold there and that nobody had informed him of the island’s climate.

– Fred Zeppelin