All Entries Tagged With: "Zombies in the Congress"

Emergence of Zombies in the House Alarming

(Gulf of Mexico) House Republicans vehemently deny that there are zombies on their side of the aisle, spellbound and bedazzled by sound bites and empty content as if hypnotized by a sort of Clockwork Orange.

“Despite incriminating evidence to the contrary, most MAGA congressmen are convinced that  talking tough is an effective method of intimidation,” said Walter Puff, a 99-year-old state senator from a forgotten valley in Central California. “Then it all falls in on them when they are contested by someone who thinks.”

“Most of these modern day zombies are poltroon to the core,” stressed Rachel Penny Capon (Dem-Boise), whose constituency includes acres of chicken processing plants often manned by illegal aliens.

Although thousands of photos of vampires, werewolves as well as zombies fall short of making a case for wooden stakes and scuttling spinal cords the vampires continue wandering in for work every day.

Take Marjorie Taylor-Green of Georgia for instance, a blind, one dimensional surrogate with no capacity for cooperation even when it benefits her supporters.

“If there are zombies in the belfry they are liberal, progressive, communists who should be deported,” she smirked.

She went on to explain on Faux News:

“Both vampires and zombies are common creatures in popular culture. Vampires, in many depictions, are known for their blood-sucking habits, using fangs to puncture skin and drink the blood for sustenance and pleasure. 

Zombies, on the other hand, are generally depicted as reanimated corpses, often mindless and focused on feeding on the living, but not specifically blood.”

As most readers know, it is difficult to take a photo of a zombie because they move too slow for digital capture. Vampires, despite their preference for the after-midnight set have been clicked upside down in caves and plying their trade disguised as harmless bozos sleeping off a good drunk.

The average work-a-day Joe or Josephine must begin to ask the right questions: Who gave mutants like these people the keys to the place anyway?Why when we have millions of unemployed people within the confines of the US we can’t do better than such tired options when choosing our “leaders?

“Most were rich long before getting elected and yet they chase the money, continued Capon. “How much do these people want? How much is enough?”

– Gabby Haze