All Entries Tagged With: "Western"
Washington puede cambiar el nombre
(Seattle) Nada en contra de George, pero el estado de Washington está considerando seriamente un cambio de nombre. Preocupados por la asociación negativa con el otro Washington, más contaminado, los líderes del Estado de Evergreen lograron obtener la propuesta en la votación de noviembre.
Entre las ideas para un nuevo nombre se encuentran Columbia, Cascade, Olympia, Chinook, Rainier y Yakima. Un grupo escindido de otro grupo escindido que busca unirse a Canadá, ha propuesto nombrar al estado Juan de Fuca, en honor a un explorador español que reivindicó el actual Washington por España en 1775. Los críticos dicen que ese nombre abriría la puerta a todo tipo de chistes de color.
Situado en el noroeste de los Estados Unidos, lejos de las costas del Potomac, Washington podría llevar a cabo este osado golpe. En el momento de la publicación, parece dudoso que los Estados Unidos, que ya están en sus caderas en medio de enredos extranjeros, envíen tropas para sofocar las interrupciones semánticas.
“Primero pensamos en la secesión total, pero no funcionó tan bien en el sur hace 140 años”, dijo Abraham Grande-Coulee, autoproclamado patriarca del movimiento. “Entonces pensamos en unirnos a Canadá pero son tan británicos, con la Reina y todo, ya sabes. Nuestro contingente irlandés-americano nunca iría por eso. Finalmente se acordó que nos quedaríamos donde estamos. un sentido político y una distancia lingüística de los imperialistas en la costa este “.
Grande-Coulee pasó a expresar su preocupación de que los pueblos de otras naciones puedan confundir el montañoso y boscoso estado de Washington con el plano y estéril Washington DC.
“En los días de un planeta cada vez más pequeño, no necesitamos ese tipo de imagen de relaciones públicas”, dijo.
Las fuentes federales dicen que esperarán y verán un acercamiento al desarrollo a pesar de los temores de que otros estados “en riesgo” puedan unirse a la refriega. Ya Nueva Jersey, Nuevo México y Dakota del Sur han expresado un interés pasajero en un cambio de nombre.
“Podemos entender que la gente de allí quiere su propio nombre y no algo que ya se haya tomado”, dijo el Senador Oral Noise (Unitarian-MA).
“Para algunos parecería que el nombre de Washington fue elegido como una ocurrencia tardía, por así decirlo. Tal vez se decidan por Jefferson. Fue amable”.
– Melvin O’Toole
ANOTHER LATINO WALL STORY
(Ed note: In the following segment the reader may notice different sounds accompanying different flat tires. This could have to do with the blazing hot asphalt or maybe it’s what I remember the sounds to be.)
My Chevy pickup died in Galveston. It sounds like a country song but it was real. I had driven down here to go to the wedding of a good friend and the truck, which had been so reliable in the past, suddenly had turned on me.
There was nothing left to do but stick out my thumb in the muggy Texas heat on lovely Interstate 10. I quickly got a ride in a semi to the town of Gonzalez where Willie Nelson just happened to be having a party. It looked like a pleasant detour especially when I saw the line-up of Ernest Tubb. Kris Kristofferson. Rita Coolidge, Jerry Jeff Walker, Leon Russell, Ray Wiley Hubbard, George Jones plus Willie and Waylon Jennings and more.
After two days of beer, blood and music I left Gonzalez and headed back on the road. In moments a rough 1970 ford Galaxy pulled over. He had a sizzled flat tire and we started talking while he fixed it. His name was Carlos. His family came from somewhere in Sonora and he lived in San Antonio where I had hoped to stay for the night.
With the tire repaired we headed west. I had noised that all the other tires (Carlos had no spare of course) looked like prophylactics. Soon, from my shotgun seat, everything appeared in order but that was not to be.
“Pop!” There went the rear tire on the driver’s side and the car crawled to the side of the road again. “Damn” cursed Carlos who looked at me half laughing and half crying. “I should have brought a spare.
We removed the tire and Carlos went into Sequin, Texas to have it repaired.
“You don’t have to stay here and wait for me,” he smiled.
“Someone has to watch the car while you are in town,” I said.
“Why?” he asked. It’s not going anywhere.”
In about an hour he returned and found me still there. We installed the newly patched tire and went on our way. Before long we were approaching Santa Clara and a distinct wobble began to emerge from under the car.
“It’s just the drive train or maybe the transmission,” said Carlos. “I’m not too worried. We are almost there.”
As the skyline of San Antonio came into view another loud Whop was detected over the blasting radio. Now Carlos was pissed. three flats in 120 miles! We went through the same charade as before with Carlos taking the flat to a gas station on Yucca Street near Artesia.
I waited, keeping an eye out for the many thieves that would love to steal his beat-up wreck with bad tires. He returned in the company of a mechanic he knew from high school who frowned and lent him a spare. We were in San Antonio.
“Do you like enchiladas? he asked.
“Yes, very much I replied.
“Good. We we’ll go to my parents’ house for dinner. He pulled over to a phone booth and called his family to announce he was bringing a guest to dinner.
Arriving at his home I met his mother and father and feasted on chili rellenos, refried beans, fresh tortillas and cheese enchiladas. He told them of our adventures and they stared at him like he was nuts. His mother insisted I eat more and, not wanting to create a negative cultural incident I downed another enchilada. It was now dark.
“I will give you a ride to the river where you can find a hotel,” he said. “This neighborhood is no place for you after dark.”
To my great relief he borrowed his father’s car and drove me downtown to the San Antonio River. In just moments I heard “Where y’all going?” sweetly sang out. That’s when I met two exotic dancers who invited me home, but that is another story.
It was all like a distorted James Joyce novel set in the heat of summer in south Texas. Just like Ulysses it had all happened in just one day.
Bear Utilizing Duct Tape in Forest
Ouray) Local black bear, who are supposed to be asleep, appear to be relying on duct tape to facilitate daily chores and responsibilities in the woods. Animal behaviorists are reportedly alarmed by the development, indicating that the bruins are evolving symbiotically with humans.
“We are concerned as to where this kind of monkey-see, monkey-do action may lead the bears,” said one biologist. “We will be keeping a close eye to the ground on this pattern. Considering what man has done to the natural environment we sure don’t want this one to get away from us.”
Cans of WD-40 and a roll of baling wire have been found near obvious bear redoubts throughout the wilderness, suggesting that the mammals have taken matters into their own paws.
Hikers and campers are urged to take appropriate caution when in bear country.
When we die do our passwords go with us?
Most of us, even those who fight it, are burdened with an assortment of internet passwords, many that have little clarity or purpose as to security or access. They seem to be just another embrace of the reality that tears us away from nature and forces us to become just a little more out of touch with being human. Doesn’t matter if we want them or not. They have become part of our lives just like crab grass and breakfast on the run.
Encountering breathless hyperbole of this dark nature is one thing whereas falling down the rabbit hole of mindless security is altogether different. Do we need a password to buy a loaf of bread or a new car? What if a person forgets his bathroom password or the password on his corkscrew?
Armed with pages of passwords humans are out of vogue, replaced by computer apps and robots. Futuristic predictions about chips in our foreheads are not so far fetched.
Next month: Was that saintpeterpearlygates.com? or beelzebub@hellshalfacre.org?
Trump Administration Passes Expiration Date
An announcement this morning that the Trump Administration had dangerously passed its expiration date left staffers scurrying around and onlookers wondering. It was not clear if today was the day or if the throw away date had passed.
“It’s clearly marked on the inside of president’s ties,” said one invertebrate Democrat. “He knew.”
Most people agree that the doings of the current White House are just a distraction so that the rich people in this country can make more money on the backs of the poor. It seems to be working. In the Washington Post alone there were seven headlines showcased the T Word.
Meanwhile a skimpy thong of protestors held signs reading: Do not sell after this date. It appears too early to tell if The Wall. repeal of Obamacare, tax reform, and Russian probes were enhanced by the publicity and echoes of the coming Apocalypse.
“These have been familiar elevator tunes lurking n the background of the musical chairs performances over at the White House,” added the aforementioned Democrat. “Considering the madness about, we all might be soon surviving on whatever we can get our hands on at the time. Expiration dates mean little to the illiterate. I myself keep a full tank of gas and an overnight bag in my jet. I hear Mars is nice this time of the year.”
For related piece please turn to Congressional IQ Test Comes Back Negative
Missing Link “aprehendido” en el césped de la Casa Blanca
(Washington — November, 2017) Las fuerzas de seguridad de la Casa Blanca anunciaron prematuramente la captura del eslabón perdido curiosamente ilusorio el viernes. Aunque parece que el Enlace estaba bajo custodia en cuatro lugares diferentes dentro de fortificaciones construidas apresuradamente en la Casa Blanca
Con solo una silla de playa, una linterna de marinero y vestido con un taparrabos de diseñador, según se informa, el Link escaló una valla de quince pies con facilidad mientras los oficiales seguían direcciones variadas.
“Es como jugar damas chinas sin un chino”, dijo un portero veterano. “Por mi parte, creo que The Link es capaz de cambiar el espacio y salta de una medida aterradora”, prosiguió.
“Lo vi con estos ojos. Él es resistente y de otro mundo a pesar de que puede ser el pegamento que mantiene unida nuestra historia genética “.
Una cuenta de noticias conflictiva lo tiene escapando de la captura y desapareciendo en el Potomac. Una mujer de Maryland dice que vio lo que podría haber sido el Eslabón Perdido cruzando la calle en el Parque Takoma.
Un ex oficial de policía que ahora opera el Centro de Guardería Soggy Bottom en Chinatown dice que vive en un sórdido departamento cercano.
Otras fuentes de inteligencia de alto rango afirman que ha solicitado asilo político en la Embajada de los Etruscos en Virginia.
Esta parece ser la última de una serie de saltos de vallas en la Casa Blanca, aunque es el primer incidente relacionado con el Eslabón Perdido.
No está claro por qué el FBI, la CIA, la Interpol, la KGB, la NRA y una variedad de agencias policiales estatales y locales están tan interesadas en los movimientos de Link, que ha logrado eludirlos a todos en los últimos 20 años. .
“Tal vez el Eslabón Perdido no sabe nada o quizás sabe demasiado”, dijo el sheriff de un condado. “De cualquier manera, su captura pondría una pluma en la gorra de policía de alguien.
-Susie Compost
