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Growing Number of Elvis Impersonators Flood Kremlin

(Moscow) What amounted to a few hundred Elvis impersonators in Red Square yesterday has quickly morphed to thousands, distracting potato head supporters of the war in Ukraine and leaving Vladimir Putin’s masterplan exposed to yet another setback.

Yes, Muscovites awoke this morning to more than a stumblebum war and a crippled economy. Looking out onto Red Square many expressed alarm as the place was jam- packed with people dressed as the late American singer icon, Elvis Presley.

Where all of the Elvises came from is anyone’s guess especially in a country that grows more closed by the day. Although police arrested over 2000 Elvises this morning alone by the afternoon their numbers had snowballed, surging beyond police barricades augmented by pleasant summer weather.   

“Some jumped from planes, others arrived by bus from unidentified border crossings,” 

according to a segment on the popular TV show Czarist Living. “Most wore sequin and had that sneer, you know the one, with the hips swaying and the crooning. Who wouldn’t take notice? 

At present no Elvis has leveled sanctions on any oligarchs.

EU officials expressed hope that the absurd nature of this development might overflow into ongoing negotiations marred by the flow of emigrants from the pariah nation to nearby countries and the resilience of many to continue the embrace of a classic peasantry

“Our jails are filled with Elvises,” maintains one Putin loyalist. “There is no room for the drunks!”

-Fred Zeppelin