All Entries Tagged With: "TV suicides rising"

TV Takes Own Life

(Ridgway) A local television set has hurled itself off Ridgway Hill effectively terminating broadcasts and leaving one hell of a mess for road crews to clean up. The TV, which friends say was experiencing chronic depression over the quality of programming available, left no suicide note or will. Foul play has been ruled out

“It’s rare that we see household appliances go to such lengths,” said an investigating officer on the scene. “It’s sad and were sorry about the television too.”

According to llamas grazing near the point of departure the television worked its way to the edge of the hill then leaned over until it slipped off into Pleasant Valley. It said nothing but canned laughter was reportedly heard just before the jump.

“The little TV was trying to make a point,” said Elrone Rabbitears, a local media critic once jailed for threatening local news professionals in Bland Junction. “All that potential for information, art and entertainment and we have arrived at abrasive game shows and poorly concocted sit-coms aimed at the mentally inept. The only decent programs are on the Mexican Network but we still haven’t figured out what they’re saying.”

     A service for the dead TV will be held on Sunday preempting the Bronco game on local channels.

– Sergio Jingles